the magnitude of that enormous church bell tower swinging forever
under feverish sunsets
the mass of an empty stadium with all the lights on flickering waiting for you to break in after midnight
listening to the deafening of crickets come to a sudden hush as you walk the grass with ***** shoes and grimy fingernails
walking to an empty parking lot with only a couple of stray cars and stray cats
like lonesome entities
stranded in the same desert of hot concrete like you
under the moon you can be anybody
feeling the blanketed weight of a starry night drunk off little bottles of alcohol
when you come to reasoning the logic of why you were in such places bewilders you

a case of addiction
a throw-away case
a waste of perfectly unusable space

a page of pulp fiction
a thrown away page
crumpled and tossed aside in a rage

a missed direction
a mystery chase
a tracing of a map misplaced

an act of misdirection
amiss and untraced
a misty night on a sunny day

a never ending cycle
a journey nowhere
a cycle with no journey
a re-closed cold case

don't get on my case
don't get in my way
I've already been in there for days

I've already seen the final page
I've already beat the denial stage
already been swept up in rage
I tried bargaining with the cage
better to accept it at this stage

I'll swallow up the burning coals
it's all I've ever really known
I don't have any decent goals
don't even have a go
but I sure put on a show
when all I have to show

are scars and blisters from my burnt out tongue
an itchy trigger finger without thumbs
regrets and defeat without wisdom
unsettling scenes obscene as *****
wet from the rain of fire from above
I'll settle on dealing by feeling numb

i deserve nothing
but i want something so bad

Somehow as I learned how to speak, I lost my voice.
Somehow as you taught me to love, I lost my heart.
Somehow as I stayed up for days, I was well rested.
Somehow as you held me in bed, I was so restless.

Somewhere is where I want to be, I was found
Somewhere is where you met me, I was lost.
Somewhere is where I cried, I was happy
Somewhere is where you found love, I was angry

Something is what I needed, I had everything.
Something is what you gave me, I had nothing.
Something is what I hated, I loved.
Something is what you are, I hated.

Someone is all I am, I know
Someone is what you want, I forgot.
Someone is what I need, I am not wanted
Someone is what you are, I want you.

my hands
ache
hoping
for something truly real.
i hate waiting
with doubt
and hopefulness
mixing in my head
making a deadly poison
i want
to feel something
soft like a feather
or course like sand
something
running
through the cracks in my hands.
i want
to feel
something real.

It's all just words.

I don't really have anything profoundly intricate to say - everything I write is just a stream of consciousness jotted down on a note in my phone that I load to a website anonymously hoping someone, somewhere will see it and feel something.



-t.s.

Seniors are suffering!
Hospitals are closing!
Infants are starving!

Good News: Another Broadway show is opening!

Olive trees are dying!
Unemployment is climbing!
Small businesses are folding!

Good News: Another spaceship is launching!

Medical costs are skyrocketing!
50% of marriages are divorcing!
Global warming is escalating!

Good News:  Seasons are drastically changing!

Stronger volcanoes will be erupting!
Storms and tornado are increasing!
Oceans and rivers are polluting!

Good News: Stocks are up! The Market Bell is ringing!

Church attendance is dwindling!
People have stopped praying!
Choirs are no longer singing!

Good News: 4.7 trillion has been  appropriated for federal spending!

Icebergs are vanishing!
Forests are decimating!
Marine life is declining!

Good News:  Teen deaths from drug overdoses are ascending!


Farmers are hardly surviving!
Homelessness is soaring!
The crime rate is rising!


How do we stop bad things from happening?
Are we better off just ignoring?
Perhaps life as we know it is ending?

        Good News:  Let's just ignore everything!




By Milton L. Delgado
March 10, 2019