How come every
     Sick
           Abusive
Dark

Love song i hear
Reminds me
Of you

The fear
The essence
You hold
      In
     Me

It's not beauty
It's disgusting
Im disgusting
     Stop

You say I'm not
*** you know
It's ******* disgraceful

It's not tasteful
You inside me
But i take it
    Burning

Whisper my name
Surround me
Scream in shame
      
Noones to blame
You're a demon
Crawling about
        My skin

Swim skin deep
Keep me warm
You hold me down

With a frown
I'll sing a song
To honor your name
           So lovely

Am i keeping you
Or do you keep me
I thought i was a fighter

In the mirror a cryer
To others a lighter
Within it's burning
         Empty

Oh but of course
I see it now
You arent me

You're just the terror
And screeching
That rests within
        M  e

To my dearest demons,
How have you been?
It's been a while since we've seen each-other
Yet here you are again.

Those weekly sessions of talking and crying to get you to disappear
seems futile now
Those dark feelings, those intrusive thoughts
of pain, of death and destruction,
Here you are again.

The unwelcomed guest, the evil within
how do I vanquish you once and for all?
Why does nothing work?
Why are you back to taunt me once again?

I still see your deep blue eyes
Behind the glaze
Yet when they gaze
I sit in full amaze
Emotionless you stare
As if without a care

Like glowing torches
Your eyes burn through me
Is it me you're looking at
Or the me I used to be

I still see your deep blue eyes
Behind the glaze.

It is not folly to be sick
bodies breaking down
stripping flesh from mind
separating the viruses and germs
from taking over
like a plague
devouring health
like a sick game
of wit.

But wit came and went
and determination stayed
like a whip breaking
receding
dissolving
into the earth
all pain vanished
the moment love came into the picture bringing a sense of sensitivity, sensibility, belonging, grace, peacefulness, and harmony. The balance of nature is to be mature not unlike like manure becoming compost for flowers.

Something like sickness
or suckness or swiftness
can only be surface material
marching forward
getting stronger every day
weakened by germs and viruses
weakened by wanting
weakened by longing
to become something greater and grander than ever imagined.

To be sick
is to surrender.

Is to lie in the wet dirt
called mud
and be covered by rain and leaves
becoming mulch for the trees.

Wet. Withered. Weak and surviving.

And once the sickness passes,
bodies grow sturdy
become thick roots
winding deeper into earth’s crust
the inner and outer layers
changing dust
into mud
into mulch
into compost
into sprouts
into plants
into gardens
into parks
there unto infinity
back into dust
and the beautiful cycle
starts

all over again.

and the seasons come and go
and the sickness comes and goes
and the flowers and fruits and vegetables grow and grow
and grow and grow and grow

into someone to be proud of.

Why do we need PG?
It's an ******* reality.
What will a child see?
*** and violence on TV?
There's *** and violence plenty more,
In schools, in alleys behind the store.
So let your children know the ropes,
So that you don't raise a corpse.

God, this hurts.
It's terrible and heart-wrenching.
To believe the moments we had weren't worth anything.
Or were they?
I have trouble discerning.
I wanted love that didn't make me feel patronized, used, discarded, and broken.
Would it make me happy?
Would it make me feel more alive to be away from you?
Would I find someone that deserves me?
How can I say this respectfully?
Without putting down our moments together?
I hate you.
I hate you so much to the point that I want you out of my life.
To the point I can say "You can die!" ad I wouldn't care.
You made me bare,
all my emotions and time,
while you sat in silence.
This is when I CAN'T remember.
These were the moments I CAN'T surrender.
Therefore, I smile when I look at you but feel like throwing up in a corner.

You looked so peaceful
Laying there
Silence except for the soft beeps and coughs on the floor
And I couldn't bring myself to leave you
Not even for a moment to close my eyes
You always seemed so strong
But here you looked frail
Strung up with wires and tubes
Eventually I grew tired of trying to stay busy
So I went to the window
And the lights love
You should have seen them
They were so brilliant and so quiet
Soft unlike every emotion flooding my heart
They were just like I remembered
Just like the first time I showed you the lights
And I didn't know it then
Just how much I love you now