"My home life isn't the best," I said.
"It doesn't have to be," she said.


BADLANDS BLEAT


Okay, I said it again. Getting out of bed was the worst part of the day. To begin, the marijuana haze from the night before never went away and left me sore. Sure it was likely enough to ease some of the pain, but in the morning my body stood and got to working slowly like it wasn't eager at all. Only the thought of fast food coffee got me pumped up, not even half-mast at that. If the **** I called erotica to save face couldn't bribe a competent rise out of me, the daily grind certainly couldn't get it done. Impetus again, every time in two week increments. Sure, I had money in the pockets of my sweat pants for the coffee and treats that I charged on a credit card years ago when I had the means -- but I was living with family. A prison sentence delivered by a cruel twist of fate that I caused myself in the first place. Nothing to blame but the errors in my own transactions. Much better than before, still not in charge of anything more than my mistakes. I didn't talk much. Who needed to know? I fulfilled the bare basic requirements of my peers so I could stay stealth. I had pills to eat. I ate them at home. I had meals to eat, and I ate them alone. Company was always safer to keep in a cigarette. Lucky me, when I ran into other smokers you would think they spoke for a need to keep their lips wet. There was a freedom in the chance to sit around a circle taking in information without the pressure to reciprocate. Four years running, I'd made choices in the Fall that brought all my work down. The scribbles and notes attached to cork board, reliably lost in a pile of clothes, paper and thumb tacks. Living with no other luggage made the journey more bearable during the dark days. It helped practice ignorance of others when I barely kept myself well.

I'm tired
It's to early
How exhilarating
Get up get moving
Get exonerated of past jury's
Long worries
Till death I'm  exasperating
Extravagantly emulating
This feeling
Feels like
It doesn't come with emotion
Not cold
No hurry
Not warm
Don't scurry
I will not promise that the murky waters ahead
Won't let you tread
Till you crystallize dead
Then evaporate while your mind is sleep
And your subconscious soaks the memory cup effervescent
Then will you know that
You will not come back
Escape the elasticity
With electric scissors
And that's more then needed
But it's this route you go
Because the Harder you learn the more you will grow
It's too bad this whole time you weren't sleeping
It's time for work

I sit on the new mown grass,
even though it’s hard to get back up,
because the smell is intoxicating.
The maple tree I rest my back against
is wide, sturdy, and rigid.
I watch, as the dog listens.
Runs.
Turns on a dime.
He is in his element -
the sheep are his focus,
the man’s voice, his guide.
The sheep are on a full run.
Away.  Come bye.  Walk on.  That’ll do.
Resting, panting, watching,
Waiting for the next time to go to work
and fly like the wind.

I always wanted to fit in
Never to be to different
I'd be a lion among black sheep
Wanting to be a sheep
Not surrounded but hidden
Only to miss it
Every second in minutes before the hour
And now in a garden once so green
I miss my flowers

Now there's smog it seems
I just want to vent
Be a little bit of weak
And let my ideas spread
While someone else is light years ahead
Just let it be in the sea
Still on the surface to be more than grounded

Beat or let me be
As free as a bee
Sun or sleet
No one comes
All there to see
Can I get a witness
Is it less than free
What's less than free

Nothing is all I be
Something is what I seek
To find the me
Hidden within the me
But fail to like this

I'm over the identity crisis
I can see what I see
But I can't hear
Not one peep


Man I miss the flowers

How to get a good night's sleep--
Instead of enumerating endless sheep,
Reclining beautifully with Aristotle,
Don't decline, hit the bottle,
What does rhyme with Aristotle?
I ponder parades of passing Axolotls,
Maybe Australia's golden wattles,
Driving by, foot on throttle.
Yes, they all rhyme with Aristotle,
Maybe I shouldn't drink that bottle,
Musing thoughts philosophical,
Aristotle waxing lyrical and logical,
I'll curl up with this learned book,
"What is beautiful?" at Aristotle I'll look,
Far different from enumerating sheep,
Drifting into a good night's sleep.

The world is ruled by false Gods
Shouting their rage and thunder, spitting on the benevolent their false promise
False faces
False forms, beliefs and reassurance
The morphing specter
Preening the pomp and posture
Their glittering smiles, shining like the brightest star in the din
Pervading the smell of sweetness that hides the rot
That gagging stench its own perfume

The glinting fur on grinning mouth
Blinking teeth the yellow gum and sharp lines
Feeding the fat lies to the waiting sheep mouth
Rearing the sheep flank to slaughter
Shearing the black fur to weave and contort
So even the aware are complacent and meek
Moon blinked to the chaos and terror that flows in the red blood font

Grinning slowly, straightening the sports coat collar
Looking forever the faithful dog of the people
While picking the flesh of lamb from hungry teeth.