Every time i reflect on myself,
I feel like i'm someone else...
I know I stay true to my inner being,
but I'm always
compelled to be a better me.
I keep asking myself..
Is this a facade or an impression
Am I even me?
Am I all that one's meant to be?
Or am I blind to what others see?
Well, i don't actually care what others see
I create and tend to live my life in my own unique way
Being spontaneous,that element of mystery always there..
Maintaining a "positive image", it will inevitably break..
Despite the distance, i think you and i will be fine
In a world created inside our minds,
Blissful and unique.

Sometimes perhaps you don’t want to be a part of me
Yes, it hurts me- a little bit, a lot a bit
but I understand.
You are yourself and I am myself-
You will do you, I guess I’ll be me

I still wonder though.
Who am I-
Why not,
What’s so wrong with being a part of me,
my life- who I am?
What’s so bad about me?

Is it because I’m not “pretty” enough
or “cool” enough
or good enough to you, to be a part of me? Associated with me?
Because I won’t just make you happy
I will make myself, my family, those I do- and don’t know happy
I will try and make you as well.

What counts as part of me?
Just that I’m nineteen, female, probably bi
born in Geneva, Illinois, raised in South Elgin, Illinois
but also raised in Westford, Massachusetts
both painfully boring towns; quiet, uneventful.
Does that make me as well? Is part of me South Elgin, Westford?
And then what else- what other parts of me?
That can’t be the only part-
So I’m also creative, loud, spontaneous
the part that makes me different
Is it so bad to be that part?

Part. Of. Me.

it sounds like a bad pop song. Is that why you don’t want to be
part of me-
Why is it that sometimes perhaps you don’t want to be a part of me?
Does that mean you won’t speak, look or think about me?
i don’t think that’s possible.
Am I really that much of a stranger?
I’ve known you for quite sometime -
You’ve known me
So can you even not be a part of me?
You can be yourself, as well as
Part of me.

so
yes
You are part of me.
As am I to you,
Just not all of me.
A single piece, maybe, a part,
that shouldn’t be too much to ask.
You can have alone time, but even then that doesn’t mean;
for the time alone, your part of me is gone.
What an illogical statement,

Sometimes perhaps you don’t want to be part of me.
You already are.

She didn't know how or why,
but lately there was a fire she couldn't quell
burning in depths of her mind.

It started as an ember , small and fragile -
a single breath, and the light goes out.

Somewhere along the way it has become much larger.
The blood in her veins boiling, the warmth in her eyes
no longer kindling.

She supposes all humans have a breaking point -
an edge, an abyss - one step too far and you'll fall into core of the earth.

Sometimes when the fury tries to swallow her whole, she stomps out the light.
Those times, her body turns to ash and her mind is a soot covered tomb - a graveyard of skeletal memories and charred dreams.

But sometimes, when she welcomes the burn, her body becomes a temple and the fire becomes a great beast -
a guardian that lashes at those who cause her harm and howls in worship at the inferno in her veins.

At night in the mirror, the beast will stare out at her with red eyes and a violent smile.

More and more often, she finds her self smiling back

I can’t get my brain
To shut the hell up.

I don’t want to talk right now. please leave me alone. it isn’t you i
  promise, it’s me and
N othing can stop me from thinking that it’s my fault and
  everything is my fault. why are things this way and why did i
  lose you and my friends? i can’t help but think and
F eel depressed because i love you. i don’t want to lose you but i
  have and i’m not happy, i’m almost never happy anymore. or
  maybe i never was. emotions exhaust me but they’re all i know. i
  don’t usually get angry but when i do i go off and
J ust shut up! you’re wrong, i’m right. why can’t you see that? i
  need structure, it’s how i function and you are so incredibly
  unpredictable which excites me, even if no one knows, because
  that’s risky and i like new adventures but i need stability which
  my life, my existence, can’t provide

because i’m too complicated to make sense,
My life is contradictory

ये कौन है ?
कौन है जो मेरी रूह को एक नयी आवाज़ दे रहा है ?
कौन है जो मेरे विचारों को गहरायी दे रहा है ?
क्या मैं वही हूँ, जो पहले थी ?
या कोई मेरी इच्छाओं को नए पंख दे रहा है ?
एक वो थी,
जो बस उड़ने के ख़्वाबों को बुनती थी,
पर पता नही कब उन ख़्वाबों का रंगीन ताना बन गया.
और लगा के जैसे दुनिया बदल सी गयी.
आस्मां जैसे बाहें फैलाये उसका ही इंतज़ार करने लगा.
ख्वाबों के दरवाज़े की जैसे चाबी सी मिल गयी.
हर दिन जैसे एक नया गीत गाने लगा.
ख़ुशी की सीम्माएं जैसे लुप्त हो गयी .
शायद ख़ुशी भी उसके संग हो गयी.
ऐसे लगा के जैसे ये वक्त बंद पड़ गया.
पर फिर भी जैसे चलता रहा
उसकी दुनिया में टिक टिक की आवाज़ का संगीत भरता रहा.....

i sat there for the
longest time.

In the dark-
in that small,
small space and

fabric rustled around me
with every shift and every
movement and change.

I watched, through
the small crack of light,
the shadows
dance and the soles of
shoes pass.

I tried to make sense
of their movements
the sounds that come
out of their mouths.

Their interactions.

After the longest time I
decided to stand up
from the floor
of that small, dark space.

Quietly,
I put my hand on
the ****, and it turned.

I crept out
of that space.
Timid, unsure.

I don't think
anyone noticed.
I'm glad.

I'm still not quite...

there yet.