i hate looking at you.
i hate that you're  in front of me in class.
that i have to  talk to you.
participate with you.
pretend that everything is fine.
it's not.
i'm not.
i'm not okay.
but i pretend that i am, because no one will believe me.
if i tell them what you did they'll say "him? never."
and it hurts.
i try to tell all the other girls you woo but they're too caught up in being your lover, or should i say next victim.
one by one, you toss them out like garbage.
like you did me, as if what you took from me is replaceable.
it's not.
i'm not.
i'm not replaceable.
what you took from me isn't replaceable.
i will live this pain forever and never able to tell a soul.
i can't tell them about the nightmares.
the scars.
the feeling of dirt on my body that will never go away.
i'll only continue to imagine what it would be like if it never happened to me.

i didn't get to say no.
i didn't  have a choice.
you did with me what you want, and i've hated myself  because of it.
i've dreamed of me kicking you off, screaming at the top of my lungs, calling for help.
but that doesn't change the fact that it still happened.
you hurt me.
you took away something that was my decision.
why would you hurt me like that?
why did you do it?
does your heart hurt at night like mine?
do you scream at yourself in the mirror like i do?
do you feel  like a coward, the same way i do?
did someone do this to you too?
*did you ever get to scream for help?

She screams and cries
But there's nothing inside.
She won't find what she's looking for,
Because she says that she "just can't anymore".

Her eyes search the floor,
Just to keep her safe,
She wants to keep her distance far away.

She screams, she cries
The nostalgia is building inside.
The girl tries to convalesce from her saudade.

Sometimes she feels big,
But her presence is small.
She screams and cries
That she's burning inside

Only her imagination can put out the flame,
But this only reignites it all over again.

She screams, she cries
She's nothing inside.