Kee Mar 25
Let me tell you a secret of mine
I think it’s time
That everyone knows
How broken I am
Because no one knows
How much my heart is shattered
No one knows
That my fate may be death
And I don’t know if that’s my happy ending or not
I miss my old self so much
That sometimes it’s hard to remember why I changed in the first place
And I want to go back
But I don’t know if I could go back
I don’t know if I want to go back
I was shy and fragile back then
I’m shy fragile and bit less of a crybaby now
It’s just that no one knows
That I still cry at night
And I wish I could die
And that I’ve wanted to place the razor to my wrist so many times
No one knows
That I miss me
I miss me so much
I want to be me again
But I don’t know how
I don’t know how
I don’t know how
Maybe I shouldn’t try at all
I guess I’ll pretend to be okay
Kee Jan 30
i wonder
what it feels like
to be confident in everything i do
i wonder
what it feels like
to know someone loves you
i wonder
what it feels like
to wake up with a smile on your face
i wonder
what it feels like
to be happy for longer than an hour
without wanting to wither away
i wonder
what it feels like
to stop thinking these thoughts
i wonder
what it feels like
to stop thinking at all
  Jan 21 Kee
I’m sorry.
It is me.
But it’s not.
It’s paranoia.
It’s fear.
But it’s mine.

I’m scared I’m doing too much.
Too little.
Trying too hard.
Not enough.
Not giving you space.
Giving too much.

So I’ll stop.
I’ll let you decide.
Maybe I won’t be paranoid.
I probably will.
But if you don’t want me around
I can disappear.
Kee Jan 5
They say that I’m better off dead
And that my mother should’ve swallowed
They say that I’m nothing but a piece of shit
And that’s where I’ll remain
They say plenty of things
But none of those things are nice
I’m their bestfriend
But it never feels like it
Especially when they hand the blade to me
And help me slice my wrists
Or when they make it too loud in my head
And I feel like I’m going to explode
Especially when they tell me
To find a rope
They are my bestfriend
And I hate that I can’t get rid of the monsters in my head
They know me so well
Too well
So well that I can’t escape them
Clutching onto me with their claws
Sinking their sharp teeth into my soul
And holding me hostage
Because they can’t take being alone either
And maybe it’s why sometimes I stay
Because I know they’ll never leave
And although they’re terrible
They haven’t left me behind
Like some other bestfriends
Kee Dec 2017
You were right.
He only meant to use you for your body
And not your brains
All for your looks
And not your intellect
He wanted you for one thing
And not the rest
He was just another person
Wasting your time
And another person
Telling you lies
He was just another person
Just an excuse
And he made you question why
He just lied to you
So he could get his nut off
And have fun
While you cry
And he smiles
While you die inside
And you wish you never took the chance
Because you got hurt again
And although it won’t be the last time
It’s going to hurt for a while
Kee Dec 2017
I used to like you, a lot.
My heart soared when you called my phone
My eyes bulged when you texted me five years later
And you called me gorgeous
Something I’ve heard so many times but it only mattered when
You said it
To me
And I thought that those feelings were gone
And I suddenly can’t tell if it’s because you’re back or if they never went away
I’m missing you
But at the same time I’ve forgotten everything we did
It’s like I pushed it to the back of mind
And somehow it got lost
And it’s come all back to haunt me
My brain hurts
With those feelings
From 2013
Because the feelings I have for you now
In 2017
Don’t feel the same
So should I even try?
Where’s your head?
Why can’t you focus?
Why can’t you decide?
Why won’t you just understand
That he’s not it
And you’re better off alone
He’s just a reminder of everything
You could never be
Someone’s lover
Someone’s everything
Kee Nov 2017
“Drugs are all fun and games until you watch someone you love become someone you don’t know.”

She called her daughter a bitch today
Something she said she’d never do
She treats her boyfriend better than her child
And she can’t even see it
Her lies fly out of her mouth like it’s been recited to perfection
And I’m tired of listening to them
I wish that my mothers life wasn’t so fucked
So that my sisters could’ve had something
I wish for a lot of things
But a family is what I want the most
I wish I could tell them all how much I love them
But how do I do that
When the drugs are so strong that they can’t see past it?
When the need is so strong they’ll do anything to be high
And I know I should try and help
But how do you help someone who doesn’t want help?
How am I supposed to do all these things
When I’m only one person?
How do I tell them that their life will be shit
If they don’t pick it up and do something with it?
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