all of these people say they really need me
but they're never around
all of these people say they love me
but weren't there from the get go
things get too hard and i'm the one that needs love
everybody's like casper
and i just think it's funny how
i'll sit at this computer all day
looking for messages that never came
concern that never come around
a simple 'are you okay' never even crossed the screen
so how should i feel?
should i be the stupid one for staying around?
for pretending to act like im still happy in this friendship?
that what they say warms my heart?
or is it the fucked up voice in my head
and the insecure thoughts in there too
let's add a sprinkle of anxiety
that'll help me too
help me decide
just what to do
how to fix
my broken life
the current flows rapidly down my cheeks
and my eyes puffy like balloons
my face quivering, the sobs erupting from my mouth
my knees weak
my heart shattered
i tell myself i shouldn't cry
that i'll be okay
but how do i know that?
how do i know that this hurt is going to stop?
what if it never stops?
is it like a toothache?
the pain comes and goes, only getting stronger and stronger until you have to get it taken out?
what if i can't remove this pain like i can my tooth?
what if this ache in my heart won't heal and the crack will never mend?
who am i to know what my heart wants?
maybe it's tired of my reckless decisions and has decided that it doesn't want to be healed
maybe it will stay this way and prepare for the next wave of pain to come just like that toothache
what happens when the pain is finally too much?
can i die from a broken heart?
how will i prepare for another love?
how do i know that this is the one?
how do i know that he loves me?
how do i know when it's finally going to end?
I've lived my life long,
No longer shall I fight.
I've cried hard,
Now my tears will dry.
I've yelled for help,
But ended up saving myself.
There's nothing left for me,
I must die.
I was born to make a change,
that change was within myself.
Destined to become different,
But saw nothing was normal about me.
I've been different since birth.
“They are sad”- my mother said about my eyes
then kissed them both with tender care
and told me “life is never sadness”
but later found that in her kindness
she failed to see how through my years
from all the pain could not be spared.
“They are naughty” – my lover said about my eyes
and kissed them both lost in desire
then told me “life is full of pleasure
with every moment to hold and treasure”
cradling my body between her thighs
my lover taught me about lust and fire.
“They are fierce” – my friend said about my eyes
and touched them softly with great affection
then told me “life is there for taking
if you are a winner into the making”
but later found that makes no sense
when life is nothing without direction.
“They are old” – I told myself about my eyes
the mirror spoke of passing times
my mother’s words of love and sadness
a distant memory lost in the madness
of every day, and all I see with these old eyes
are long gone dreams within the rhymes-
I'm this sad over love.
Why am I so caught up?
I'm supposed to be emotionless.
Free of my ties from you.
But I still see your face everywhere I go.
Haunting me in my dreams.
It's not necessarily your fault but I'm going to blame you anyways.
You made me this way.
Why'd you have to pretend to care?
Say all those sweet words...
The lies leaping off of your tongue and diving into my heart,
making me believe you were really the one.
Don't preach at me.
Don't spit those words.
Shut up & keep it to yourself.
I didn't ask for your opinion anyways.
Not everyone needs or wants to hear what you have to say.
Shut up & keep it to yourself.
Not everything you say to do is the right way.
I want to live my life free, not constrained by your rules.
So shut the fuck up & keep it to yourself.