Life isn't beautiful
Its insufferable
Tedious and dull
Each moment resembles hell
Through constant anguish and pain
We construct an ideal of what we think is sane
And pretend that everything will be okay

Death is true beauty
Its the ultimate escape
When the final light is turned off
Your mind falls into an abyss
You can sleep eternally
And be forgotten like the rest

With every step,
my mental sanity dwindles.
Pulling me from the reality.
Shadows move,
Life drains,
time stops.
The world ends

I do not know where the last five years went
Cannot explain how time disappeared
I'm not really sure how we got from there
All the way across the atlas to here

Just know I could never forget
How it felt when you would hold me tight
I am so glad we gave it a shot
Found comfort in night after night

I might not know what day of the week
It was when our spirits first met
But I am sure the happy moments you bestowed
Are the best I've encountered yet

I hope we are still made for eachother
Don't think that bond can change
Been a long time since we've been together
I still love you but it somehow feels strange

I wrote a letter explaining my thoughts
Five pages long front AND back
Still haven't mustered strength to hand it to you
Even after a year has nearly passed

Never figured emotions out
Steadily losing sense and sanity
Think of the past and ask myself "If I let go of hope,
Why can't I do the same with memory?"

My skull is breaking...
Must Control, don't loose
My sanity, I can't loose
My skull is breaking...

I'm ill...
My eyes are darkening
My reasoning is fading
I'm ill...

My hands are itchy...
I can feel it, bloodlust
I want to ****, absolute lust
My hands are itchy...

If I ****, forgive me...
It wasn't my doing
It was her, I'm vanishing
If I ****, forgive me...

My thoughts tremble
in the empty space my sanity used to occupy,

My hands search for the warmth you gave that they lost,

My lungs beat up my heart everytime they gasp for air,

My cheeks start dribbling down my face along with my tears,

My mind tries to convince me to love myself when I’ve become the vacuum of breathing, kept cold by the sanity that left along my thoughts.

I need to make myself busy
Before I can't get myself and do things that unexpected to be
I just want to take freely
And relax myself before I lost my sanity
I just need a bullpen and a paper right now
Cause all the things that going in my mind is I wanted to write down
If I will not do it , I know that there's a chance that I suddenly snap
And just cut myself with a sharp knife
And smile like an idiot when I see a crimson blood
Laughing even though it actually hurts
Wanting more even though it's already too much
Or worst being extremely happy because of what I've done
Even I know that it can take my life away in any minutes in time when I started to close my eyes..