I stretched my hands to stop her but she was gone.
I waited to see if she would look back but she had crossed the lawn.

She shouldn’t have known.

It wouldn’t matter anyways.
We already parted ways.

I would do it again, just for her to live a happy life.

She would have died if I didn’t **** him.

She would have suffered the same fate I did.

Maybe she will be back when she knows.
By then, I’ll be long dead in the snow.

Tell her that her husband was a devil.
Tell her the one she loved was pure evil.

He would have *****, battered her children like he did me if I didn’t **** him.

She might never grieve for me.
I hope she finds it in heart to forgive me.

Tell my sister that i love her.

I like to imagine myself soft as down. All cream and pastel.
Much like a mama bird I would pluck the softest parts of me to build a safe place for you to rest.
Too stubborn to unburden myself of youthful idealism, but running short on feathers I find myself a fragile bundle of sharp edges.
I feel if I am not careful I could poke you, right in the eye.
But in this nest I've built for you,  crafted from the most tender, and pure parts of myself,  I find I can lay at ease.
Shielded from any storm or draft I take comfort in the soft wisps of your hair on by cheek.
Love is nothing new to me, but I have found there's no place like home. 
There was a time when I thought I knew how to carry that feeling with me. A time when nothing weighed heavy on my back. 
I have claws just as any other bird, but I am but a common wren.
For you I would give the world.  Even knowing one day,  you must leave our nest, to spread new plumage of your own.

These words are a product of my sadness
A coping mechanism to all this madness
Do we accept the love we think we deserve?
Why am I only creative when I’m at my worst?
React or stay calm when that line is crossed
Was there ever any trust before it was lost?
A short poem isn’t enough to describe
The thing I always held on to
My suffering and pain inside
At any sign of discomfort a voice reminds
Of the easy way out, one way ticket to the other side
Does it matter at this point
When I’m full of anger
And all I do is disappoint

i think of those lab rats
living their lives
blissfully in cages
hand-fed fruit-loops
and poison

they’re happy
says the veterinarian
scribbling notes on a clipboard
while the rats drink sugar
water and run on wheels

fate is not kind to lab rats
their years are already so short
a drop in the bucket compared
to the well of time humans draw
from greedily

death is a shadow for humanity;
it is the thought gnawing on the bars
of our mind, the ghost of an animal
running endlessly on a wheel
that we placate with toys and treats

we call it housing enrichment
because even lab rats have a home
because we choose to personify everything
even the things we ****:
carbon monoxide, bloodletting, a severing of nerves

and when they breathe their last breath
we write in our journals that the animals were
sacrificed, not killed, not murdered
dying for a cause bigger than them
for science, for knowledge, for gods on sterile altars

My light:
Dappled in the rearview mirror,
cracked at the surface.
I am bruised but not broken.
Scarred,
But i still have my  foundation.
Bruises they heal.
Scars they scab over.
Hearts torn apart,
But in heaven they’re woven.
crinkled skin wraps around the sunlight,
Fingernails kissing the moon.
The light is there i just have to dig farther,
The light is there,
It's you.

1
a dark, dreary dream it seems-
no fog thicker than it's haze
2
this land is real, it exists-
this place has a sign with its name
3
no map on earth has inked
to draw the arrows to this maze
4
a garden of eternity,
where the rabbits, feral and wolves, tame

5
this place is cloudy,
but each whispy haze weighs a metric tonne
6
the crown on each tree
and their boughs so far up their trunks
7
they form a cloak, impenetrable
that paints it sable against the sun
8
and what little sunlight dies-
in the ebon sea, its flare had sunk

9
there is no light here,
save for an oil-less lamp yet to be lit
10
an ashless bonfire-
wood yet to be gathered and be burnt
11
these pixies have no home
other than the cage one carries them in it
12
these fireflies have no light,
save for what is suffered and learnt

13
the forest makes pub ******
of those who lose themselves there
14
leches of those thirsty
who drink from its streams and creeks
15
they fail and falter and fall on the forest floor,
and the bushes wake back to life and stare
16
these are the sentinels of the forest,
and it is your surrender they seek


17
skulls and rib cages decorate
and hang from the boughs in this forest
18
the beaten trail there is paved
with the bones of the pleasant and their tales
19
the lamps are candles stuffed in the skulls
of the truthful and honest
20
you walk on these and where the bones stop,
you stand on where the last of them failed

21
the night here is neverending,
according to whom have endured
22
when it actually ends,
all memory of its trees and creeks cease
23
each and every soul that stands,
has left footprints here for sure
24
no telling which are the footprints of those,
living, lived, or recently deceased

25
this place is cold,
the clement light drowned out eons ago
26
it's cruel too,
this brumal darkness too tame to **** you
27
it keeps your heart-beating,
pounding down on you with layers of snow
28
it makes you forget the clement light,
makes you forget the warmth your breath once drew

29
how you get there nobody knows,
one wrong step- the forest eats you
30
from the sidewalk, from school to home, into the alleyway,
the forest eats you
31
the door between your room and the living room's screams,
the forest eats you
32
from the covers of your sheet into the noise of the streets,
the forest eats you

33
from the street to an inn, back to the street again,
the forest eats you
34
from the light of screen into the darkness of bed,
the forest eats you
35
from the concave stomachs and a mountain of debt,
the forest eats you
36
the stool between you and a knotted rope,
the forest sill eats you

37
and then, skin hard and frozen cold
since wandering this grove of a thousand broken lights
38
the crown of the trees recede
and the boughs begin to thin towards the opposite pole
39
there is no sun here, other than the immolated torch
of your flesh burning bright
40
there is no sun here,
other than the immolated phlogiston
that combusts at the end of

the dark night of the soul

Along the grass,beneath the sky
The draconic sun vitrified
The lover figurines.
Flattening them
Adjacent to the surface,
Skin blent in crackly tessellation,
Deforming to fit the sphere,adhering to it's
Wondrous silence.
Frail limbs minute,heart's heavy as whole islands.

Is it not love embodied to lay defined as an image?
To be held as shatterless glass,reflecting it's deity's melting
In progress, 'neath the star that impelled a shelter,
The star that paved their meeting,that overlooked
Their life and death in a predetermined stasis,
The divinity that shimmered underfoot at all times,
The star that held all places of the earth in one.

The figurine lovers, faceless mannikinis
Sentenced to worship forever without a choice,
For prior love, for prior sins,
It matters not--they rot and twist as the Sun's play-dice.

These feelings fall like tidal waves.
They're a beauty, so why do I suffocate?
Overwhelm me, I just can't escape,
It's dark, so here, I send up a flare.

It's hard, to keep my flair.
Buried within the world's glares.

I'm making me work,
A body, no head.
Pushing.
Might I have failed?
To accept I'm way too scared.

Letting my world down, myself.
After all I've done, all I've said.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't sad.
My dreams, I know they aren't dead,
In folds, they hid instead.

Don't know why this mount I can't climb.
God knows, for long I've tried.
Blown my integrity, I have no more pride.
I wish I could take this in my stride.

Down the barrel of this gun, I stare.
Not knowing where from here I fare.
No options, no allies.
I don't want this to be just a souvenir.

I'm tired, I'm drained.
These tidal waves,
Where do you take me?
Where?