I ate the poison with you.
I fell right beside you
And I helped you get back up.
I kissed your scraped knees
In the ghosts of your mothers lips
But I was your friend.
I resuscitated your heart
When you stopped it from beating
I drank your tears
And cried them myself.
I cared;
I never once pricked you
With the same needle
The world persistently penetrated
You with
And I would have
****** out the venom
From those snake bites
If you’d asked me to,
Knowing that you’d never
Take that bullet for me,
Even if I asked you to.
But I still jumped into the fire
To make sure you got out
Alive.
And somehow
You thought you were alone.
And somehow I ended up
In front of the gun
And you had no problem
Pulling the trigger.

Used and bruised like a broken porcelain doll,
kicked down and pushed around behind these prison walls.
Wrote letters and letters that just piled up,
because what I had to say to you just wasn't enough.
The arguments and dreadful thoughts scream inside my head,
lingering inside of me wishing I were dead.
Missing and wishing are emotions brought just recently,
Since the night I lost you..the accident.. just haunts me.
And it plays over and over in my head...
The violent screams, the screeching tires.
A splash of blood, the burning fire.
How could this happen in the blink of an eye, all my life's worth ripped away that night..
I hurt you to death so I hurt myself more,
I trap myself away behind this locked up door.
Piles of paper wishing you were here,
fill up my wishing well year by year.
I wanna rip my heart out no matter what the cost,
I'd rather rot in hell than lose what I have lost.
But reality, it hits me, I'll never really die,
because the worst of all punishments is to forever be alive... and it plays over inside my head...
The violent cry, the screeching tires.
A splash of blood, the burning fire...
How could this happen?! in the blink of an eye?? ALL my life's worth just ripped away that night.... oh that dreadful night...

On late spring nights
a breeze through cracked windows
feeds silent madness
It screams louder than life
Memories flow as a river
Their resentment for my existence
once brought depression
After years of absorbing rancor
the onslaught of sandpaper words
ground my soul into flakes
carried away in the wind

Hollowed into a human cask
guilt has nothing to grasp
Hatred from others means little
Perhaps amusement
A muffled chuckle
breathed into the pillow
breaks the silence
until sleep

how do you get past the anger
how do you get past the rage
how do you finish the chapter
when you never turn the page

there is no happy ending
to that story in your eyes
let's go on pretending
that it's not me you despise

how do you get past the anger
how do you get past the rage
how do you finish the chapter
when you never turn the page

the words that are not spoken
are the ones that won't go away
yesterday that book was open
I am closing that book today

Maybe its time to put these rabid dogs to sleep.
They’ve mastered the art of barking at midnight.
My eye-bags have sagged for eternity.

But You touch the heavy heart,
the one that sags just the same.

It heals, expands,
and breathes.

I forgive.

You can only say you're sorry so many times
And it's been one too many
These apologies you keep emptying are as shallow as the puddles after it rains

Don't get me wrong, I'll forgive you again
But hear me clearly, no more second chances
Nothing is changing, you're not changing
And if you ever do, good for you

I won't waste my time on another whim
A hope that maybe this time would be different
But we both know **** well, it wouldn't

So take your feelings and move along
Don't get me wrong I'll be there as a friend
But I can not, I will not...*let you in

You tell me I've a problem
   Problem one I know already
   Already working to mend it
   It stays broken in spite of me
          And so I freak out
I explode with resentment
   Resentment is my fail safe
   Safe I no longer know about
   About face,  I turn around
          And so I'll claim no one gets it
Sadness comes I know I'm wrong
   Wrong to tell you you were
   Were any of my attempts real
   Real life sinks in
          And so I go down uncertain
I implode knowing I've a problem
   Problem two I know already
   Already passively trying
   Trying it is, seeing my self lies
          And so now I face myself

Your love was supposed to be the purest
The strongest
The longest
It was never me you saw
But a vessel for a life unlived
Unfulfilled

Maybe someday I can forgive you
But until then my love remains tainted
Possibly nonexistent