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Thomas Conlan Oct 2015
Your whiskey lips
are haunting me
with words of
what if
and what could be.

The dream of us may be more damaging I fear,
than where life has lead us to my dear.
I steer clear from your gaze for all the ways
they make me feel like old days;

scared, insecure, miserable,
happy.

"I just want one kiss",
a trip into bliss that you'll miss.
But your phantom lips have left me aching
from the past that we have been making.
And that pain has got me breaking.
Daydreaming a life from which I'm waking.

Back to reality,
a life cast in duality.
The world stripped of sensuality but revisited at night.
A happiness best taken in sips, and although I've woken, my heart rips
because I can still
feel
your
lips.
Am I just another fable to tell?
Am I to become a knick knack to put on the shelf?
I look for ways to tell you “I could learn to love you”
But I’m not that into love
Okay, excuse me
I’ve got a problem
I refuse to be used
I refuse to be used
I am the one who usually manipulates
I am the one who usually lures one in
I am the trickster
What has happened to me?
Where has my black hole of a heart gone?
What the **** has happened?
To be honest, I think I would actually be depressed if you dismissed me and my feelings
This is foreign to me
I don’t know what’s going on
I don’t want to become the fool
But I suppose that’s karma
I suppose after all this time of making men and women fall for me without an intention of catching them has caught up to me
I guess being a heartless *****
And the ***** has finally
Caught up to me
And the ****** up thing is when I am genuine, AKA now
It seems to always backfire on me for sharing how I feel
That’s how I got into a mess with my last relationship
I loved him more than he ever cared for me
I had a heart then
But after a while of things going to ****, you just stop loving and stop giving a ****
But here I am still naïve and gullible to these stupid sweet words
And here I ******* stand in the same position
Knowing there is someone that has a piece of his heart
Not too long ago either
I just don’t want this all to be fake
I couldn’t take a sick joke
Not again
I have to protect myself
But how does one do that when you just want to live in the moment
When you want to feel warm and giddy
How do you **** someone you want to make love to?
How do you stay away from someone so electric?
I’m in a horrible situation of disgust and distrust
I guess I don’t do as well alone as I ******* thought
But the good news is that I ran far, far away from my ex
I just wish he would ******* do the same
I want to be his
I want her to disappear
And maybe I am overreacting and freaking out too much
I mean, just last night, he reassured me
He called me “baby”
He told me I was what he wanted
He told me it would never work with him and her
I guess I should calm down
I guess I should stop thinking so ******* much
Being sober is great, isn’t it?
You get to feel all these ******* feelings you wish would shut the **** up
It’s like a constant war between heart and logical business
You know this is wrong
But you ignore the corrections
And then you have a conscience suddenly
When you used to not give a ******* **** about what you truly thought
SOBRIETY
Sobriety allows you to listen to your inner self and it is repulsive
**** pretty I’m gorgeous
A Watoot Mar 2015
Tonight, once again,  
I'm left in the corner, broken.
Tonight is yet another night

But I refuse to leave.

Tonight is full of excuses.
Once again, my heart's so used to, it grew calluses.
Tonight is yet another night

But I refuse to leave.
Noandy Jan 2015
In a lost dream, where we met
without names nor faces to remember
Upon the sky of the bleak November,
He once sang a string of woe;
dedicated to the sisters and brothers lost
In the letters of life and death

In a lost dream,
he once incinerated hope
And in a lost dream,
he burnt all the upside-down
lifelong scripts
Of terrors and fears commanded him,
of humble requests and humble oppression
To demolish the dreamland he has built
upon broken wishes and poisoned passion

“I will be here,”
Refused he
“In a lost dream where I used to dance.”
Bb Maria Klara Dec 2014
I refuse to sink;
I refuse to falter;
I defy to blink,
In reality unaltered.

I refuse to fall;
I refuse to crumble;
I will stand tall
Right after I stumble.

I refuse to fail;
I refuse to not win;
I will myself hail,
whatever I have been.

I refuse to in give;
I refuse to let die;
I am to live
With all that I try.

I refuse to dim;
I refuse to go do gown;
I will be the steam
That powers this town.

I refuse to flee;
I refuse to abort;
I, one day, will see
my vengeance retort.

I refuse to sit;
I refuse to fall flat;
I will the top hit
and become all that.

I refuse to fold;
I refuse to blunder;
I shall one day hold
For what I one wandered.

I refuse to sink;
I refuse to falter.
I know what I think:
My future I'll alter.
Written September 12, 2014
It is highly repetitive, but I suppose it was the best motivating way to go about not giving up.
Lynn Greyling Nov 2014
My silence is also my grief,
Forgive me my discretion.

It fails me to talk with you,
To mention your transgression.

It fails me to restore you
To where I once adored you.

It deems me guilty,
guilty,
without a choice,
without a voice.
jet-set-trash May 2014
When you said you did not want me
was it love that hurt or pride?

Like a near death experience all our ecstasy
flashed right before my eyes.

How could you not value our memories?
a treasure I only opened at night.

The town was asleep - at last I was lonely.
Now you would only be mine.

Oh how rich you made my singularity.
An injection to make me feel outright.

Your dark side only made us more lively.
As I wanted to win this fight.

Even though it bruised my soul and body
You were the air that made me sigh.

But you said you did not want me.

What did I lose?

Was it love or my pride?
dj Apr 2014
I closed my eyelids.

a unique space-time I've
created. A new world with I
               and you,
and in it we're us;
pseudo pagans
               adjust
in my multiverse of could-have-been's
wannabe's and forget-me-not's,
there's a million wormholes back thru

it's a glittering new world
where we're happy forever
               (embalmed)
present-perfect continuity
we'll never need to question or worry
               of it
because it'll be ours to [edit]
a spiritual instagram. sorry for the link.

I'm a believer.
our story is brick-bound & pyramidal
it's worthy of true realness
I'll never let that faith fade.

and all I have to do is stay asleep
seal myself, artery by nerve, in this bed.
eyes closed but moving underneath
               (forever)
and here I'll lay; 1,000 years on
entirely petrified. a fossil of trust.
everything/everyone I had known - gone
               forever.
fleshy eyes, solid as stone now. Blissfully
(always) unaware of their end. No matter the time,
my (      ) still eternally & happily
               in dream.

— The End —