A Curse of falling in love with the right person wrong time.
Finally coming to terms you’ve lost your chance in this moment in time.
The heart aches comes running in ,
How can a heart hurt so much when they weren’t even yours?
Stuck within the feeling of wanting to wait around but you know deep down inside..
You need to just set them free, because you just want them to be happy. Even if it comes around to pretending you’re happy.
Even though you just want to scream
And shout why can’t anything go right for me?
Am I just too clingy? Or afraid of losing you?
Is it something I said? But after all this in the end I’ll never regret the time I said… love you while looking right into your eyes.

The world tells you to be happy
that you should be happy
you've said all the right jokes
made people smile
made them laugh
played the role well
you have good friends
and even a good family
and they all say they love you
and usually that's enough

But in the end
the lights will be turned off
the part over
and the crowd gone
then you find yourself
taking that long road
back to where you don't want to be
back to being alone

When you get there you'll find
that joy was merely in the moment
that happiness was not yours
you never owned it
and if you lean on it
trust it to get you through
you'll fall farther than before
farther than you knew possible
because all those people can say they love you
but it doesn't mean you do

Pretending

I could pretend you’re still here,
me listening to the beat
of your heart while you sleep.
Inhaling the scent of your body
As I lay next to you,
pretending.

I could pretend hearing your voice,
Telling me that you love me,
Catch your eyes in the mirror
Flirting with me while I watch
As you dress and I sit
pretending.

I could pretend holding you,
Embracing your hurt away,
Drying your tears with a kiss,
Sweep your hair from your face
As you look at me,
pretending.

I could pretend and not live the truth
The truth is you were temporary;
like signature in the sand
erased by ocean's tide,
or autumn wind that carried you away
like golden leaves in flight.

I could lend pretending for faith
on whose wings your soul
has risen beyond the sky
And waiting patiently
my selfish heart beats
pretending.

lonely in the sea of people
overwhelmed while being alone
craving you to like me
while praying that you don't

didn't know the colors
seeing in black and white
all the flaws seemed see through
despite hours sacrified to hide

naked between the sheets
pillows soaking the tears
and all this because
mirror was my worst enemy

Pretending--Preventing
A peek behind the curtain:
I've tightened the rope
I've split up the track
And hold steadfast the ends (no slack)
Spinning above, mid-air like some antisocial acrobat
I've learned the words
I've carved the face
To only read smile
While the rest seem to float
All show
No rope, though
that could be an act--as well--

c

~           *light on,
still-frame freeze of black bodied eight-legged life
     clinging to stained acrylic. we stare at each other pretending we're not real
until one of us moves.
                    
it was me.