Beneath the layers of smiles,
deep down,
we hide our real selves.

From lie to lie,
from pretence to pretence,
we camouflage our reality
with the stylish masks we wear,
whilst the monster behind the mask chuckles
hoodwinking a whole generation!

I used to have a gathering of friends
In which our countenance portrays
The unique ambiguity of our experience

I missed the void
Created by our ambitions
To trade where untrended

I used to have a precious gift
In which my heart portrays
the profound tenderness of emotions

I missed the void
Created by our differences
To disagree not to agree

I used to have a soul mate
In which our love portrays
the attributes of an unending joy

I missed the void
Created by our blindfold
To unwrap the suppressed pretence

That destroyed the unending togetherness
As it was anticipated.

I have always worked hard
But never found work hard
Never before
Has it felt such a chore
My job is engaging
But I'm changing
I feel I'm a pale reflection
A mere fraction
Of me is present
I'm absent
My mind is elsewhere
Struggling to care

I used to care

It made it easy to be there!

This apathy
Is draining me
It's exhausting to smile
Too much energy required
I'm shattered before I arrive
Just trying to survive
I never used to pray
For the end of the day
What used to be easy
Now takes all of me
Shouldn't be this hard
It's like I'm swimming through tar
Empty of everything
Not just energy
Empty of all the things
I need to be me
To be here
And I fear
You'll see what I'm thinking
On the brink of sinking
Can't trust this shell
Can't tell
If you can see
The battle in me
Do you know what it takes
To be this fake
I'm angry through and through
While I'm smiling at you
This facade is tiresome
Back in the rhythm
Have you heard my sarcasm
I'm so numb
Detached and chained
Deranged but refrained
A turbulent storm
Has my insides deformed
This dusty barren show
Takes every ounce of strength I own
I can only hope
That no one really knows
But I wish they knew
Just how few
Pieces of me
Are left trying endlessly
To be all I was before
But with the passion of a corps
It's torturous, agonising
This hollow chattering
Exhausting, debilitating
Laborious, my patience is failing
Back to the grind they say
It never used to grind this way!!

Broken glass
each step unclean
harassed
I could scream
Scraping, grinding
under foot I'm finding
It harder to ignore
Can't take any more
You feel it too
Stuck on our shoes
Broken glass
Nothing new
Move to the beat
Call it a treat
We dance, smile and
All the while
Under our feet
Reminder unspoken
How much we're broken
On a ****** for
A night to remember
Drink so much you forget it
Don't sweat it
Might as well have fun
Can't run
On broken glass

Look into my eyes
And tell me what you see
Do they betray my inner demise?
Or is all still a mystery?

These eyes contain
Their fair share of pain
Disappointments and hurts abound
Failings and sorrows profound

But these tears dare not leak
Nor my facade creak
For fear of casting a doubt
On the Persona I am with-out

So these eyes must continue to show
Their feeble depiction of bravado.

Welcome to my heart...

#BlueRain
2017

The crumpled memories lay
in the fractures of time
The smoke stayed inside him
His body just begging it to be kind.

Another drag and I'll be the king
The lies he told himself were true
Smirking, he downed another drink
Reality faded while his dreams grew

Waking up with an ache in his heart
He thought what he lacked was love
Filling it with something he once knew
Stooping to a level he was above

Misery had left his mind undone
He had broken free of the cycle of life
Time flew and he stood by watching
With his own reality, there was a constant strife

Burdened by the norms he knew
He formed his opinions against them
Tired from the things he had seen
He had retreated to his own den

Peeking outside from time to time
He changed his face with every moment
Trying to fit into what he despised
Never forgetting that he was broken

Knowing full well,  the ecstasy in agony
He plunged back into the pool of plight
Wearing a mask to hide the dark truth
For him, even the sun had relinquished light.