Like qualified pilots who have lost control of their aircraft.
My strength and confidence is has been drained,
I have non no more.

Like the aircraft falling apart in mid-air.
I feel my self shatter,  
I can feel that am breaking,
I know that i have been splintered
And only love can stir me back into position.

With every piece of debri falling from the sky,
And into the middle of nowhere but the hospitality or open seas.
I am lost, deep in the depths of lonliness.
Sinking fast into the scary world of heartbreaks.

Falling so quick it cannot be stopped the last crush of the rest of the aircraft has been captured by the creatures of the sea and no other witness.
Sudden silence and then whispering waves hidding all the evidence,

I keep faking my smile everyday,
Being welcomed by a pool of tears every night.
The only witness present is my sobbered pillow.

Yet like air controllers,  
Those who care seem to wonder
"What on earth has happened to her sparkle?"
"The most inticing eyes have been powdered with grey"
"Where has she lost her zeal,
Her love for nature is gone,
What happened to all the inspirations that made her write?"
And at the back of my mind i wish somebody would get the answers.

All the answers can only be found by the search rescures,
Maybe somebody out there knows i need help, 
Somebody willing to get all the answers,  i guess...

Somehow i know,
That my heart like a black box lies,  
In the deepest ends of the sea bed.
Unless some one comes and opens it,
I will never really know is wrong with me.

You have joined forces with my frenemies,
you have just destroyed our genesis,
you have become a total nemesis.

I thought you were a friend,
but you have been stabbing me right at the back.
I would have never guessed that there could have ever been an end,
but now i know how much you were fake.

That smile,
dear snake,
you kept crawling in the bushes,
but now you crawl on the eroided plateu,

i have seen your moves from afar,
stay away!
you keep on looking at me with those eyes filled with evil,
you trained to become wicked,
i am not surprized that you using your skills against me too.

I would rather have you throw insults at me,
than you thanking me with insults,

all my dedication wasted,
i never did it for love but passion,

you nailed it just this day,
and am glad it happened soon,
i have been longing for this distance and it has now come to pass,

you know that you have a larger crowd to cheer for you,
but honesty lies between you, God and I,

i shall not be apologetic
today i just wont swallow my pride to make you happy and feel that you are right

let your loud voice increase in volume,
while i lock myself in the room and listen to you talking,
you are not the first hunter,
and i shall keeping on fleeing as a prey to  many that are still chasing,

when you have realised how much i was worth to you,
it will be too late for i would have migrated to a peaceful land.

I am not afraid to lose you for i have lost more friends than you in the times gone by.

I solemnly swear
I say things I don’t mean
and curse at everything
stuttering around in heels I used to wear
fakely excited at every **** thing
like I have to fill every awkward gaping hole
everybody knows
who is right and who is wrong?
I stopped asking a long time ago
where I am in the distance
I hear only loud noises I feel nothing
I will not come out of my shell
funny how I say it like I have a choice
girl, you’re so out there yet so withdrawn
I solemnly swear
days collide into one another and I don’t lift a finger
I’ve been having dreams
where I throw people overboard just to save myself
waiting for them to drown before crying
“man overboard!”
how do I tell you that there are parts of me that rot and keep rotting
do I tell you I didn’t call the ambulance
I shouldn’t tell you I set the house on fire
wake up every mourning and solemnly swear
my condition started improving from the day you left
I’ve only been getting saner and saner
but even so, not much more myself
I should have more regard for life in general
I was not raised this way
walking the streets only half-awake
can I please live half-asleep
my mind didn’t use to be this blank
what is right and what is wrong?
I ceased wondering a long time ago
has it been two months or two years since?
I told you where I am time does not flow in a linearly fashion
I solemnly swear
the world should just revolve around me
while I judge you so hard
get below me
I am so awful just kidding
is it the time to be serious or immature
I give up just kidding
you wanna play the pretending game
two can play at that game
right hand up
look serious now girl, you can laugh later
yeah right hand up but not too high
palm facing out, say the stupid line
I ****
“I solemnly swear I am decent”

If I weren’t afraid, I would scream your name
And tell you the truth, like I’ve never done
If I weren’t afraid, I’d kiss you right now
Shame and regret, no, I would feel none

If I weren’t afraid, I’d smile like I knew
What I was doing, but I really don’t
I would tell you I loved the colour of your eyes
I stopped myself before, but this time I won’t

If I weren’t afraid, I’d pull you in close
To whisper those three precious words in your ear
I wouldn’t hesitate, not even for a second
Cause I would no longer have anything to fear

If I weren’t afraid, I’d tell you right now
This poem was for you, the light of my soul
But if you weren’t afraid, you would tell me too
All the things that you’ve always been able to control

It could be anything, if you love me or hate me
If you want me to stay away, then just tell me that
Or it could be something small, that’d be okay too
It’s better than silence and pretentious little chats

All the things that I’d do if I weren’t afraid
Why am I afraid? What do we have to lose?
I just hope that one day I could maybe be brave
Enough to at least whisper you the truth

Lydia
sat on the
red tiled door

step of the
ground floor flat
looking out

at the Square
one morning
one Sunday

her father
was in bed
her mother

preparing
Sunday lunch
listening

to music
on the old
radio

her 15
year old big
sister was

asleep with
her boyfriend
her brother

Hem was out
looking for
spiders

to pull off
their legs
one by one

the man with
his boxer
dog walked by

then she saw
Benedict
in tee shirt

and blue jeans
armed with his
6 shooters

in holsters
wearing a
cowboy hat

where abouts
you going?
She asked him

clean up Dodge
he replied
why? is it

***** then?
She called out
sitting there

in her green
flowered dress
Benedict

walked over
to where she
was sitting

you ok?
He asked her
pushing back

on his head
the black hat
no I'm bored

and fed up
she replied
come with me

we can both
clean up Dodge
Benedict

said to her
so where's Dodge?
She asked him

on the big
bomb site off
Meadow Row

can I have
one of your
6 shooters?

Sure you can
have to tell
my mum where

I'm going
Lydia said
Benedict

nodded his
head and said
best not to

mention Dodge
or she may
not let you

go with me
so she went
indoors and

asked her mum
where will you
be? she asked

we're going
to clean up
Dodge City

who are we?
Benedict
and just me

her mother
stared at her
o I see

mother said
be careful
of the roads

and that was
all she said
carrying

on with the
preparing
of the lunch

Lydia
went off with
Benedict

borrowing
one of his
6 shooters

tucked in the
green bow of
her green dress

her eyes bright
her straight hair
unbrushed

and
quite a mess.

There is a certain comfort in anonymity,
The ability to disguise ourselves as no-one.
But this disguise becomes too real,
Reality and fantasy reverse:
We are no-one,
Our disguise is now the person
We once were.
There is no desperation in regaining our
Identity.
Are we too scared to be someone? To have meaning?
Willingly we discard our existence and
Replace it with nothing.
We are nothing.
Nothing.

this is what it means..
...let me explain
a moment with me..
and you'll let in better
...with time
when the time is right..

There's trouble in paradise.
There always has been this dark, and misty gloom strewn all over the place.
And we are just actors who are good enough at pretending *"all is well."