Pacing around
Stuck on the ground
Music blast
A trip to the past

The truth is, I want to hold you
Tell you
That everything is gonna be okay
If not today
Then tomorrow
You don't have to be in sorrow

Love, I'm right here
For you my dear
I will listen to you
No matter what you do
I'll be here
For you

I caused alarm
Didn't want to cause harm
I'm sorry Love
I just want to see you free as a dove

See me now
This is how
I am inside
I try to hide
From the world
My knees curled
To my chest
Where you say I have a heart of gold
Like buried treasure

Music blaring
I'm still wearing
The bracelet you made me
And when you look at yours
As you do your chores
Think of me
And I hope
You do not mope
And that you can forgive me

All I want to do
Is hold you
Brush your hair behind your ear
And hear
You say,
"Stay,"
"Here with me."
And we can be
Just you and me

Please
I reach to seize
Your hand
Please
Take me to the land
Of dreams
Where we are dancing in the moonbeams
And I can feel again
Free as a wren

It's like I'm falling
And you're falling too
I reach to you
And I can't see

Wind stinging my eyes
Blinding me
I feel so far from you
But you're only 12 miles away
Love, I want you to stay
With me
You hear my plea

I said words that got carried
In my head they are buried
You told me one thing
Told your mother another
That's okay
But just tell me that you'll be

I love you, I miss you
I'm right here, my dear
I care, and I dare
Say that I always will
Because baby
Just maybe
If you let me
The future could be so bright
Bright as your shining eyes
So please stay
Here with me.

- Jay M
February 19th, 2020

I'd like to ask you to repeat what you just said but I'm afraid to ask.
I've never been able to bring myself to ask anything, in fear of being wrong or sounding dumb.
This is a predicament, without questions I don't know what I'm doing but I cannot force myself to ask you.
I cannot ask you to make an exception for me either, for I don't speak up at all.

How does one just ask a question? I freak out about just speaking.
I can't even speak up above my name being pronounced wrong!
Could you please repeat your explanation? I'm softspoken and don't like speaking.
I can't bring myself to physically ask you so I just look miserable until you ask what's wrong.

Questions. It's all I have, yet I can't bring myself to say anything.
These anxieties I have are dead weight, I can't keep going.
I hate it all. Why can't I speak up? Why can't I ask questions? What's wrong with me?
Am I incorrect?

It's all the same depressing thoughts. "You're never going to make it through life."
I hear it every day. The same phrase. It repeats itself, something I could never do.
I can't feel anything because of this, I feel the need to repress it.
I'm going to ask again; could you please repeat yourself?

December 8th was the last time we talked

No more suns or moons or stars or laughter

No more music or dancing or singing

No more fluttering heart or late nights

No more happy fights

I want it all back

And the only way is with you

Melancholy undercurrents trapping
me within this stream of repressive
                                        desperation.

On the surface I was flowing like
         nothing was misconstrued.
but on the river bed the turbulence
was stripping me clean.

Undercurrents of adjective references,
           that were slowly polishing
my need to let myself be swallowed.

Never come up for air again..

My riverbed is the silence,
   but I don't want to slumber..
             I'm going to swim,

even though the shoreline keeps
                                  moving away.

Master, you're put in charge
As your servant, I have put you first
I live to please you

The value of the individual does not dilute when grouped. Loops in chains shall remain. To be unique and hold oneself adds wealth. Promote one for all, for if we fall then it's all for none. Such beauty comes from the stem of flowers to the petals of a rose, maintain this mindset. Please don't forget or close.

Should I just change
Cut you off
Cut you out
I don't know if I can do this anymore
The good times are good
But this sinking feeling never goes away for long
I'm never alone
Never without you
Plaguing my thoughts
I dream about you and
It makes me so tired
I wish it would all go away
The feelings
The obsessive thoughts
Why won't you disappear from my life
Pull away
Slowly
Why do you do this to me

you are lit up
and so far way
you cannot see
my light
is burnt out