I've fallen into an empty void.
I have the will to pull myself out,
But I'm not sure I want to.
I don't feel overwhelmed,
I don't get hurt,
And I'm done crying.

Trapped in a sea of perpetual motions
Going through everyday life like a robot
Gears on a never-ending clock
Time slipping into the abyss

Nothing matters
Life turns meaningless
In this simple motion of breathing
Becoming like clockwork

Twirling and spinning
Thoughts begin to race
The walls tightening
Threatening to crush

Silence
Ear splitting silence
Wishing for a sign
A glimmer of hope

You slip
Falling into a sea
A sea of faceless people
No matter how hard you focus

All you see is emptiness
You try to grasp onto something familiar
Yet all you can find is unforgiving loneliness
It hurts to be alone

Alone yet not alone
People rushing by you
Not a care in the world
You reach out for help

But no one sees
No one hears your cries of pain
No one can feel the agony in which you live
You crumble more and more inside

Asking yourself why is this life
Where do I fit in this great big puzzle we call life
How am I to find what I’m looking for
If I can’t even answer the simple question

Who am I?
Who am I to be stuck in this hell
Watching others go by like cogs on a wheel
While I stand here motionless

Unable to breathe
Unable to see the people around me
Unable to hear their own cries for help
Unable to realize we all need help

But have no idea how to communicate

I've had all day to work.
Yet I procrastinate until the next–

Until 3:30am.

At 3:30 I'm so exhausted,
I don't even feel alive anymore.

It feels unreal.

A dream.

I haven't eaten for seven hours.
I fear that going to the kitchen to fill myself
Will awaken the family

Out of their gentle sleep,
And into my reality:
Hell.

My task gives me so much anxiety.
Fear.
It's dreadful.
Unbearable.

I put it off.
Until 3:30am.
I don't think about it.
I rid it from my mind.
Until 3:30 am.

When the loneliness envelops me like cold dark water, and the waves come crashing over my head.
When between tired desperate gasps for air all I can do Is release water from my mouth.
To pretend for a few seconds longer that I am able to keep my lungs safe from this storm.
When all I can feel is pain and the self-made chaos swirls in menacing clouds above my head.

I think of letting you go, of a world where contentment and nice are worn as badges.
Until I remember that no world without you in is worth waking up in at all.
So I splutter up another lungful and pray for a few more seconds with you.

this is the type of lost where you feel like killing yourself
it’s a lonesome feeling and you can’t even bother asking for help
who would you ask anyways
the depression just perseveres for days
you aren’t any part of who you used to be
you keep telling yourself you should leave
maybe running away will bring you to an understanding
you just don’t get why your emotions are so demanding
this is the type of lost that makes it hard to breathe
it’s a lonesome feeling that drowns you in your grief
you just want it to stop
please make it stop...

we
there’s a we now
but I’m not gonna
overthink it

wait
that’s what I do

sorry babe

you get to deal
with all this crazy

welcome to my world
where everything is big
I’m dramatic
every day

care for me anyway?