Introducing you to the metal that I use to paint
But everytime I use this; I always faint
I'm carving it to my skin like a masterpiece
And everytime I do this it reminds me of broken pieces

I am the red artist in the dark night
The artist who lost her will to fight
So here am I trying to make an art
To my skin and to add bleeding to my heart

My works are not even worthy
They are calling it ******
But seeing my blood in my skin
I am an artist through thick and thin

You are judging me from what you saw
Not even knowing what's behind of my flaws
The best artist that people never noticed
Is now fighting with words as a poetess

The red blood on the floor
Symbolizes that I will now close the door
Of the darkess which I live in
And to my dear self, for how long since it has been?

He gave her the Earth, the Moon and Mars.
Still she said she needed more space.
      So he gave her the air.
   ljm

Can you tell that I already told myself that I will love you to death? Well I haven't died yet, but it don't feel like I'm living neither. I need you, it's a must that you come back into my life to save me from this tranquility. The irony of how I'm still breathing surprises me. My mind misguided me and the further away you became my heart reminded me.

I'm curled up in this blanket
listening to the noises outside, it's raining.
I'm wishing your arms were around me
I want you here beside me.

The rain is hitting my window hard
kind of like what you do to my heart
thump, thump, bang, bang...
it's onomatopoeia all throughout day.

I want nothing more than for you to feel the same.

I miss him;
I wonder if he's thinking about me?
I wonder if he's missing me too?
He says he does, but sometimes
Doubt just creeps into my mind...
It says "He doesn't really love you.";
"He doesn't really want
To be with you.";
"He wouldn't care if you..."
And that's where I must stop.
Because what follows would
Show just how pathetic I am.
I don't want him to see
Me as pathetic and pity me...
He might leave if he sees my true self.
I don't want him to leave.
Please don't leave.
*Don't leave me...

It's been a while since I've tried writing the loneliness out of my soul.
but how do I stop feeling so alone?
can I cage up the feeling somewhere away from my bones
so I can breathe easy again without the voice in my head saying
"you don't deserve to be loved" and "you'll never have anyone to hold"
because it's true, and i feel bad when i look at you,
and when i hold you my hands are full of apologies,
selfishly not wanting to be empty, but in the end we let go.
we always let go and i'm always alone and i want to be free
of wanting to be otherwise. i want to stop being so restless on my own at night,
pleading with whoever's on the moon to give me someone too,
hoping for friends and for something more and for love that will forgive me for wanting it too much,
for desiring what i don't deserve, for a soft voice that will say, "it's okay. i want to love you anyway."
but i'll settle for nights that don't feel so cold; i just want to feel okay on my own,
no tears slipping down my cheeks when all i want is to sleep.
i want to stop feeling empty, i wish my bones would know they're home -
i am my own safe place. i want to be alright. at night i clutch a pillow to my chest so tight
it's like i am trying to squeeze my heart numb.

Amazing I'm still here
Swirling, and spinning, trying not to fall.
Never quite sure who we are trying to find it in our beer
Looking like we are 10 feet tall, but feeling so incredibly small.

Overly aware of time and space
But everyone just sees a space case.
You drink too much
You smoke too much
You cry too much
I try too much

In and out of love at the drop of a dime
Just trying to find someone to love us for real
Maybe someone who means it for real this time.
And can maybe make us forget the hurt we feel.

In the heat of the moment
The best years of our lives
But still suffer from the torment
Of the deep abyss of the unknown into which we dive

Grown up but still our mothers baby
Adults who are still afraid of the dark
Who can only answer every question with maybe
But are told we need to be black and white and stark

Here goes nothing
Being 20 something

Dazzle down my vision,
My concrete velvet need.
I am a flower,
A flower which must bleed
slow colors over
a warm, wild secret.
As my petals drain to white,
I lose the strength to fight
I submit out of
this built in, beautiful necessity
and I wonder if you'll keep it.

What no one really wants or needs
Is one who really wants and needs.
That you want, not need them really
Is what they need and want really.
To be wanted more than needed
Is what's wanted, what is needed.
All want to know, need to really
Who wants more than needs us really.