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Aaryn Sep 3
I’m scared of getting better
I’m scared of leaving
I’m scared of losing
Losing what I thought was right

If I’m not ****** up
What am I

I am not myself anymore
I am so much my illness
That I am not me

This illness eats at me
Eats for me
Until I am gone
And it’s all that’s left

I don’t want you to see that
I don’t want that
I want to leave

Don’t watch me die

Instead
Leave me alone
Let my skin scream
Until both me
And my illness
Are gone

Until that day
Stay away
I can’t let you know
That I love you
Because I’m leaving
And I can’t leave you

So please
Just look away
And leave me to it
I don’t want recovery
Not because I don’t want happiness
I just don’t want to be left behind
Because me is more my illness
Aaryn Sep 2
You
Perhaps it's due to the early hour,
Or the hole in my chest,
Or the endless darkness encasing my tomb,
But I can stop thinking of you.

I became absent.
In everything.
With everyone.
I didn't want to realize,
How alone I truly am.
Because **** it.

I don't need anything.
I don't need food.
I don't need a relationship.
I don't need my family.
I don't need friends.
I don't need you.

I
Don't
Need
You.

I don't need you.

I don't
Need
You.

I
Don't Need
You.

I don't need
You.


Because if I say it,
In just the right way,
With the right rhythm,
I will believe it.

I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.

Well...
Maybe I convinced you at least?
I really wish I could believe what I say
Aaryn Jul 26
It’s sick
But all I can think about
Is the pain

I think it’s an art
One that I have perfected
The ability
To ignore everything
But the pain

I don’t think
I could make room
for anything else

Because if I’m not cutting
I’m burning
If I’m not burning
I’m starving
If I’m not starving
I’m purging
If I’m not purging
I’m binging
If I’m not binging
I’m probably dead

And thus
All I can fit
In my brain
Are these thoughts
These morbid
Thoughts
Of pain
.9978324.
Aaryn Jul 26
I’m scared to be hurt
And so I won’t give you a chance
To hurt me again
Even though it wasn’t your fault

The though
Of losing
Losing control
Losing a friend
Losing you
I can’t take it

So I will make sure
I am in control
Of the pain
I will slice my wrists
And count the calories
And maintain my
Complete
Dominance
Over my life

I’m scared of
Losing
Control

I’m scared of losing you
I’m sorry... I’m still ****** up
Aaryn May 6
The blackest night
Tends to have
The brightest stars

But
My night
Is cloudy
And all I can see
Are the eyes in my closet
And the fears from my head
Stop telling me stupid **** like try to find the silver lining. I’ve been looking.
Aaryn Mar 11
Panting
the brush glides
so smoothly over
the light canvas

Yet the ink
doesn't absorb into the fibers
but spills from the art

You may look at my work
and be disgusted
horrified ever

you may not see what I see
you may look at these red lines
on this pale canvas
and not be controlled by its beauty

But I am
And this is all I can do from killing myself
Self-harm is controlling me, I can't stop thinking about relapsing and I'm only a few weeks clean.
Aaryn Feb 28
sometimes
I think of killing myself
how the silence would
be so freeing
and the darkness
to overcome
and I waiting to fulfill its infinite void

Sometimes I wish
to die
my breath to stop
the constant ringing
of the voices
in my head
they no longer
have hold
on my thoughts

sometimes I think
I'm lost
because the people around
don't know me
they don't know
the horrors
that sit
inside my skull

so sometimes
I think of killing myself
then they'll know
i was never fine
my long sleeves
are hiding scars
that appeared on my arms
I don't remember making them
but I know I did

but for now
I'm stuck
a stranger
with strange voices
telling me strange things
and I'm just a prisoner
stuck in my mind
forced to listen
forced to obey
because what happens
when your mind
turns its back on you
really it's the best prison there is
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