My best friend
My shoulder to cry on
We were so close
But now
Now I see
You just needed me
So you could feel better about yourself
Because I was too messed up
I was beyond repair
But you
You just needed some of my essence
My "best friend"  
May I ask you this
Where did you go

ACT I
i feel rained on
cracked open
left to bleed
on pure white snow
i feel raw
yet
i am in pain
i am always in pain
i am in so much pain
i cannot tell if it is pain anymore
i am in love

ACT II
is it known that
i would rather bleed
than cry
i have so many secrets
that are not mine
they fill my mouth
fall down my lips
like i've sunk my teeth
into ripened fruit
they are omens
they bite at the skin
on my bones like locust
the blood trickles to my feet
there's so much
there's so much
there's so much
there's so much
im a *******

ACT III
why didn't you try
to replace the rocks
in my chest with flowers
did you know
i was already gone

ACT IV
*** can be sweet
in the back of a car
nervous and tentative
shaking hands against
sweaty palms
moving together
touching
at the same time
we were warm

ACT V
not every living thing
is necessarily alive
i died eight days ago
with my lungs
collapsing
on top of each other
and my nails
digging
into my palms
i shed my skin
like the hair
from last winter
i clawed at the leaches
gnawing at my bones
the hardest part
wasn't dying
it was remembering
that i was ever alive
it was taking a lungful
of air and exhaling
the dust rattling
around in my chest
it was missing the sound
the feeling
of my heart beating
against yours

ACT VI
i once
had someone
with skin
like an angel
she treated me like ****
and smoked far too much
but i guess
i was the one
with the problem
because we broke up
years ago
yet sometimes
i find myself
smoking cigarettes
trying
to taste her again

ACT VII
"please," i begged, my knees scraping the ground, "let me fall out of love."

I'm cold
Right down
To my soul.
I'm mean
Right down
To my bones.
Don't fall for me,
I am a monster.
I am incapable of love.
I'll ruin your life
Before you even make a place in mine.

everywhere us control freaks are categorized as the bad people.
we're the narcissists-
the mean ones.
every assumption leads to us being put off as people who abuse those around us.

i am a control freak.
i get furious when things don't go my way to the point of wanting to cry.
i hate being wrong.
i want to ****** the happiness and the "rightness" off of your smug face.
i want to grab my throat and squeeze the stupidity out of me.
i want to bash your mouth with my fist until you can no longer speak-
until your words are so incomprehensible that everything you're saying must be wrong.
i want to always be the smartest guy in the room,
i hate not being the smartest guy in the room.

i want and i want and i want
but i never do anything about it.

Some days I still have a hard time understanding
the boy who said he loved me,
broke my heart wide open
He said that no matter what
No matter how things went down
that even if we weren't destined to be together
That at least we had a friendship
to last a lifetime
But his messages became spotty
and his appearance in my life eventually ceased to exist

He stopped coming around
Stopped being there for me when I needed him
On the days I couldn't breathe because I was crying so hard
He told me I should go to someone else with my problems
Our friendship was demolished

So all I gained was a broken heart,
trust issues, and a life lesson?
that doesn't seem right

Now I have a hard time believing
the words that come out of lovers mouths
I assume they are beautiful lies
meant to keep up a charade
Is that not what love is?
An incredible lust and infatuation
turned game of pretending to care
in order to use someone for what you need?
At least that's what he showed me.

I wish I was still the hopeless romantic I once was
But now I have a bitter heart

You should sulk away in shame. You are a bottom feeder pretending to
be predacious. Life has shown you that in the order of life, you will
rapaciously lick the lips of the alpha every time . You mistake your
pretension for power, and you and only you make that mistake. Don’t
think that any other believes that you are anything more than the
absolute bottom of the order. You can cry to all who will listen about
your greatness and only the most ignorant will believe; For a while.
Your attempts to empower yourself by belittling others is a pathetic
attempt to cover your own inadequacies. Maybe you haven’t realized yet that they can’t be covered, that everyone really can see you for whom you are. I am amazed that something would actually mate with you. I can’t believe that one of your slightly more pretentious peers has not taken her from you yet. You are a disgusting example of a human being. You are petty, jealous and cowardly. You are the very definition of anthropomorphism.; You have been attributed with human traits without actually having them. You are lower than an animal and are pathetic.

By the time I’ve stopped trying to hate you, I’ve started to hate myself. And, it’s certainly not the first time and I’m still hoping that it’s the last, but this hurt, this sadness, this deep ache that tightens itself around my neck, threatens to choke the remaining life out of me and I’m scared my reckless mind just might let it. Because this bitterness is dipping into my blood and it slithers into my soul and I want to scream the sickness out because the crying has stopping working. All of my backup plans are crumbling to dust around me and my memories dance around my head like haunted specters. I’m done. I’m done with this anger and resentment towards people who are too busy to care. Too vain to reach out. They do not deserve my rage when they cannot be bothered to love me if I am not there to remind them I exist. I do exist and I am worthy of being loved. So I refuse to sit here and play the martyr, still waiting for a fictional apology. I’m not sorry. I am finished. The End.

The tales of a man once loved,
He who resorted to misstreating others.
Turned vial, turned dark.
He tore through hearts as if they were a craved meal.
Pulling and shredding souls with words so unforgivable to young minds.
Pushing them towards suicide he felt at ease.
A bully of minds with a cowardly heart.
They will remember him
They won't forgive him
Someday when he passes there will be no audience to his demise,
There will be no tolerance for he who is certain he is above all else.
He is a bully of the worst kind.
One who bullied a young girls mind.

-Kathia Mariana Landeros

Crying Night

You said mean
nasty
horrible
teasing
things

you didn’t think
about what you said
to me

I turned my back
and we sat in silence.
The glow of our phones lighting up our faces
mine, sad
yours, oblivious

mine, a way out of our plans tomorrow
yours, Facebook scrolling

then,
the last straw
the tip of the iceberg
it wasn’t the things he said that night
it was everything
it was me feeling like I wasn’t good enough
our hearts filled not equally

mine, full, overflowing, even
yours, unsure,
you turned to me and tried to make me giggle
react
laugh
at a post
I shoved you
and the flood gates opened
first quietly
then raging
heavy, breathe taking sobs
crying crying

then you realized
this wasn’t a joke
you held me tight
and I told you why
All of it, and you laid and listened
silence
shhhhhh you said.
shhhhhh you’re okay.
shhhh

No,
No I’m not
this isn’t okay.


why am I not enough
the way I feel is too much
I shouldn’t have to hold it all back
You’ve turned me into an insomniac