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121/F/California    I like words. And skulls. And kitties....
that's the way every day goes
21/M/The Netherlands    Just writing what’s on my mind, until it's purpose that I find. I know my pieces are long, but I always write until these thoughts ...


Classified Mar 2014
Just because I'm better
Doesn't mean I'm good.

Just because I'm alive
Doesn't mean I'm living.

Just because I'm smiling
Doesn't mean I'm happy.

Just because I'm complying
Doesn't mean I'm not rebellious.

Just because I'm not crying
Doesn't mean I'm not sad.

Just because I'm talking
Doesn't mean I'm friendly.

Just because I'm not alone
Doesn't mean I want your company.

Just because I'm quiet
Doesn't mean I'm not thinking.

Just because I don't disagree
Doesn't mean you're right.

Just because I've cured the symptoms
Doesn't mean I've cured the disease.

Just because I don't cut
Doesn't mean I don't want to.

Just because I haven't killed myself
Doesn't mean I want to live.

Just because I've cured the symptoms
Doesn't mean I've cured the disease.

Just because I'm writing
Doesn't mean I'm okay.

This is not a poem, This is how I get my brain to shut up.

Just because I haven't cut
Or burned
Or bruised
Or broken
Or sliced
Or injured
Or torn apart
any part of me
for months
Does not mean the thoughts
And wishes
Have been dispelled from my mind.
I still dream of suicide
Crave to cut
Wish to burn myself
And pray to hurt.
Because I haven't followed through on my thoughts
Does not mean that I don't lay in bed
Unable to sleep
And unable to escape the thought
And desire
To carve the names of those who have impacted my life
Played a big part in my story
And carve your names into my lower left thigh
Using my favorite and most used blade.
Because I haven't followed through on my thoughts
Does not mean I have not formulated many plans to **** myself
Hang myself while my family is out
'Accidentally' stumble in front of a car while out for a run
Slice my wrists
Jump off a building
Or my more creative ideas
Just because I have not acted on my thoughts
Does not mean I have not come up with uncountable amounts of ways to hurt myself
And ways to cover it up.
Methods and excuses.
To grate my knuckles and blame it on art or boxing.
To slice and cross my knees-I fell.
Or the classic "the cat did it"
Or my most used "I scraped it against a wall"

Just because I have cured the symptoms
Does not mean I have cured the disease

Just because I don't talk about my feelings
Doesn't mean they aren't there.

Just because I don't tell you about it
Doesn't mean it didn't happen.

Just because I keep quiet
Doesn't mean I have nothing to say.

Just because I say "it's chilled"
Doesn't mean I'm okay with it.

Just because I cover it up
Doesn't mean it's not there.

Just because I conceal it
Doesn't mean I don't feel it.

Just because I write
Doesn't mean I will talk.

Just because I share
Doesn't mean I'll show you.

Just because I talk
Doesn't mean I'll say something worthwhile.

Just because I think
Doesn't mean I'll do.

Just because I pretend
Doesn't mean it's true.

Just because I breathe
Doesn't mean I want to.

Just because I care about you
Doesn't mean you'll return the feelings.  

Just because I notice things about you
Doesn't mean you will do the same to me.

It's 11:27. This isn't a poem, it's how I get my brain to shut up.
This wasn't intended to be any good or anything, I know it's crap, I know it's dark and I know it's mildly graphic. But hopefully writing will help somewhat.
So now I will try sleep
And I will probably dream of Him again
Or have nightmares again
Or both
Then I will have an awfully lonely day
Clear out my room while home alone
And feel terribly abandoned by my friends and the people I care(d) about that I thought felt the same.
And I will feel like crap.
And I should probably sleep now. Or try at least.

Sorry about all this, it's terribly stupid and no one who reads this (if anyone does) will care about what I'm saying because
I Don't Matter.
Aaron LaLux Aug 2018
At a loss for what it costs for these dreams,
my boss is a bot I mean a mean machine,
I mean that it seems,
they talk but I do not know what they mean,

I mean I got a feeling,
that sometimes things are not what they seem,
but I mean,
how can things not not be what they seem,

& it seems that we’re sleep walking in a day dream,
or more of a nightmare where they don’t fight fair when they feign,
& we scream but can’t wake up our minds or make up the time as it speeds,
on an assembly line butchering swine while dining on ham & cheese,

& I want to defy all of these lies,
but I don't have the time nor the energy,
so I write the signs of our times line after line,
instead of going head to head or eye to eye with the enemy,

trying to write it all out even though still I don't know what's gotten into me,

& still it’s obnoxious to to think,
that they’ve lost their conscience to memes & their consciousness to drinks,
unconscious to all things exotic while being white washed up in mainstreams,
lost in constant nonsense on narcotics it’s all gone in a smoky noxious steam,

while toxically ****** overgrown weeds sown from GMO seeds,
create these monsters that feign for meaningless things,
like rings that bling & the profits that conquest brings,
& they won’t stop this nonsense until they pop like a viral venereal disease,

I mean I’m honest I mean I mean what I say & I say what I mean,
& honestly I say they’ll **** the whole cow just for the cream,
I say they're an obese disease concealed between two legs in designer jeans,
as they march in unison an army of ants that only answer to the Queen Bee,

Martyrs for Dollars with corporate sponsors,
broadcast worldwide on cable TV,
I mean why do you think the youngest billionaire in history,
is a degenerate Jenner by the name of Kylie,
it's not a coincidence that she profits from cosmetics,
I mean cosmetics cause cancer which benefits the pharmaceutical industry,
& I don't mean that personally I mean I'm not sure what's gotten into me,
or why I'm speaking so recklessly without offering any apologies,
like a Kamikaze **** drunk on whisky,
standing in the street like “c’mon cop man frisk me!”,
or a Stalin on Ritalin or better yet a Britney with bad kidneys,
still collecting those royalty checks from Daddy Walt Disney,
& it’s all moving so fast I can’t get a grip or a grasp,
& not only am I disoriented but I’m also starting to get dizzy,

I mean,
it seems things can not not be all that they seem,

I mean,
it seems these words can not read all that they mean,

I mean,
it seems we sold out our dreams when we bought into these screens,

I mean,
it seems I don’t know if I really know if I know what I say or say what I mean,

I mean,
it's confusing to try & make sense of this nonsense & I'm sick of explaining,
I mean it’s absolutely obscene what these monsters will do for the cream,
sacrifice the whole Holy Cow all in the name of the American Dream,

& I'm at a loss for what it costs for these dreams,
my boss is a bot I mean a mean machine,
I mean that it seems,
they talk but I do not know what they mean,

I mean I got a feeling,
that sometimes things are not what they seem,
but I mean,
how can things not not be what they seem...

∆ Aaron LaLux ∆

from The Holy Trilogy Vol.2: Mandalas
available worldwide 8/8/18
Becky Littmann Aug 2015
Just because I'm nice
Doesn't mean you can walk on me
Just because my happiness is too good to be true
Doesn't mean you should try to bring me down
Just because you are unhappy
Doesn't mean I have to be
Just because you are lost & confused
Doesn't mean it is ok to confuse me
Just because you are a mess
Doesn't mean make my life a mess
Just because things are hard
Doesn't mean make it ******* me
Just because you are pretending
Doesn't mean I can't be real
Just because you seem ok with things
Doesn't mean that I am
Just because you had me at my best
Doesn't mean that you won't see my worst
Just because I smile
Doesn't mean I don't hurt
Just because I don't talk to you
Doesn't mean I've forgotten you
Just because I yell at you
Doesn't mean I don't care about you
Just because you're my best friend
Doesn't mean I'll agree with you
Just because we aren't together
Doesn't mean I don't still love you
Just because you left me
Doesn't mean it will never be again
Just because I'm focused on me
Doesn't mean that I forgot about you
Just because I wrote this
Doesn't mean I hate  you
Just because you heard something someone said
Doesn't mean it is TRUE
Just because I'm single
Doesn't mean I'm going to be a *****
Just because I don't go out
Doesn't mean I'm boring
Just because I do go out
Doesn't mean I'm looking for ****
Just because I say something
Doesn't mean it is ok to twist my words while repeating it
Just because I am no perfect
Doesn't mean I am not perfect for you
Just because I get upset
Doesn't meant I'm crazy
Just because I care so much
Doesn't mean I can't let go
Just because we are friends
Doesn't mean my life is easier

BUT.....Just remember my heart can only hold onto so much before it explodes!! The decision is clear,  once you realize that it will  be too late!
It was too late..