It’s been 7 months.
I still carry you in my heart, like a stone pressing on my breathing.
I see you everywhere, in the books I read, in the movies I watch, on the streets, in my bed.
I see you with my eyes wide open, I see you with my eyes shut.
I still remember your fingers on my skin, I still remember your voice and your jokes, I still remember your smell and your breath.
You’re lingering on every little thing in my life.
I ask myself if I will be able to feel love ever again.
How can you love someone else if you’ve already loved with all your soul and your being?
Some days I think about you a little less, but on most of the days, you’re all I think about, 24/24, even when I’m dreaming, I still dream of your hazel eyes, I think about all of my mistakes, about all the little things we had, things that I will never have with another person.
I would give up everything if I could just do it all over again, right from the start, and do it differently, so we could have a happy ending.
I impatiently wait for all of this to be over.
I am tired, I’m so tired of endlessly wrapping my mind around all of these memories.
I’m going mad.
You’re happy.
Or at least I hope you’re happy.
I hope you’re happier than you’ve been with me.
I hope she treats you how you need, I hope she loves you thoroughly, I hope she would take a bullet for you, like I would’ve.
I hope she listens to you and supports all of your ideas, I hope she never gets tired by your amazing mind.
I hope she will get the chance to know you like I did and I hope she cherishes and appreciates you, like I never did.
I lost you.
I lost the love of my life, because I was scared of commitment, because I didn’t show him the love I felt for him, because I made him think I don’t care about him, when in fact, he was the only thing I cared about.
And he still is.
I fall asleep with your smile on my mind, imagining your body pressed to mine.
