This is not a love letter
How could it be?
When I am in love
How could it be?

This is not a love letter
As I have hoped to be
The words of love
I have hoped you’d see

This is not a love letter
There is nothing else to say
Than to let you go
To let you fly away

This is not a love letter
How could it be?
When you are in love
And the loved one isn’t me

give me a quill
give me a parchment
cos i cant let it sound
i cant let it slip my mouth
how i feel
i cant contain
give me a quill
give me a parchment
let me write instead
cos i cant let you hear
i'll make you read
i'll make you wonder
look up meanings of foreign words
give me a quill
give me a parchment
i want to mail
i want to stamp
i want to deliver
in front of your house
give me a quill
give me a parchment
read my letter
with my messy writing
two letter signature
and a "P.S. ♡"
give me a quill
give me a parchment
COS I AM A COWARD
BUT DARLING I KNOW TRUTH
YOU CANNOT READ
AND
THIS
IS
A
WASTE OF TIME
SO JUST
FORGET THE QUILL
FORGET THE PARCHMENT

BUT FORGET ME NOT...

For B,
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I cannot bare to speak to you.
I'm sorry if I hurt you.
But most of all,
I'm sorry you couldn't love me.

And if what you quoted to me was truth,
I miss you too.
And what you thought was correct,
I am trying desperately hard to forget you.
It's just not that easy.

I wonder if you still think of me.
If you still check up on me
As I do you, more often than I'd care to admit.

But darling if you ever read this,
I want you to know
That I did love you.
And despite everything I still do.
I'd give anything to erase these past few months
And go back to how things were
When I could hear your name without wanting to **** myself.

I miss you,
Love,
              L

Your screensaver on your phone was my name spelled out in large, block letters. I avoided you by slipping in early to math and hiding behind lockers and lunch tables. This is the first time I learned to run away.

2. We held hands in the dark, and whispered into each other's ears. Your new girlfriend is sweet. I understand why she is not your secret.

3. I saw fireflies light up in your eyes.

4. I knew you never liked me, but I still kissed you anyways.

5. You told me 6 months ago that you loved boys. I've never been more proud of you.

6. I smiled at you the other day and you ignored my existence. I swear I heard every bone in my body break.

7. You slipped into my back porch door and I smelled a party, midnight, and her on your breath. My hands have never felt clean again. I hope she doesn't love you and her hands feel like knives in your back.

8. You are the recipient of all of my flaws. I'm so sorry you never knew me. Please continue to pray.

9. I think I loved you since the day we exchanged a pencil in sixth grade. I know we will never end up together, but it sure is nice to have a best friend.

10. It was all a mistake. My name burns the roof of your mouth but you continue to drink. You'r drowning in your own bitterness and desperately trying to fill your lungs with her laughter.

12. You were the first boy to ever tell me I was beautiful and truly mean it. I felt the word warm my skin and give me goosebumps. Your "beautiful" held no fine print, no bad intentions... no conditions.

13. You are sunshine and flowers petals tucked into shirt pockets, behind wisps of hair. I wish time had allowed us to...

14. Maybe next time I can muster enough courage to write a poem about the lightning bolts in my own limbs. I am trying to be done waiting on you. I am learning how to love myself.

Here I am, penning verses that paint vibrant images
Expressing my yearning through ostentatious displays
But do these efforts impinge upon -- even in the slightest --
The twisted fate we have been endowed?
*I do not like to think this is all for naught

Dearest Destined Jewel,
                                         Of longest heartfelt yearning, Bestow on thee, Hamlet awaits, Ophelia picking flowers, Magnolia branches speaking, Beautifications of Spring.

Supreme buds of new life,  Magnoliaceae of Queen bees, An enterprise of wonder, Symbolic child's enchanted play, Faeries in flight whisper attractions, Fondness, Les fleurs du mal.

Ample blossoms, Bosoms of delight, Devouring light, Little birds sing, Nestling, Chirping a languishing cacophony, Blissful unawareness, Nature nurture the soul.

A slip then fall, Nearby church bells distract, Into abyss fallen, Elevated body all at once, Floating amidst flora, Drowning, Petticoat woven dress, Resting on fresh valley water, Immersion, No contention, Hamlet awaits.

© Sia Jane