Your screensaver on your phone was my name spelled out in large, block letters. I avoided you by slipping in early to math and hiding behind lockers and lunch tables. This is the first time I learned to run away.

2. We held hands in the dark, and whispered into each other's ears. Your new girlfriend is sweet. I understand why she is not your secret.

3. I saw fireflies light up in your eyes.

4. I knew you never liked me, but I still kissed you anyways.

5. You told me 6 months ago that you loved boys. I've never been more proud of you.

6. I smiled at you the other day and you ignored my existence. I swear I heard every bone in my body break.

7. You slipped into my back porch door and I smelled a party, midnight, and her on your breath. My hands have never felt clean again. I hope she doesn't love you and her hands feel like knives in your back.

8. You are the recipient of all of my flaws. I'm so sorry you never knew me. Please continue to pray.

9. I think I loved you since the day we exchanged a pencil in sixth grade. I know we will never end up together, but it sure is nice to have a best friend.

10. It was all a mistake. My name burns the roof of your mouth but you continue to drink. You'r drowning in your own bitterness and desperately trying to fill your lungs with her laughter.

12. You were the first boy to ever tell me I was beautiful and truly mean it. I felt the word warm my skin and give me goosebumps. Your "beautiful" held no fine print, no bad intentions... no conditions.

13. You are sunshine and flowers petals tucked into shirt pockets, behind wisps of hair. I wish time had allowed us to...

14. Maybe next time I can muster enough courage to write a poem about the lightning bolts in my own limbs. I am trying to be done waiting on you. I am learning how to love myself.

Here I am, penning verses that paint vibrant images
Expressing my yearning through ostentatious displays
But do these efforts impinge upon -- even in the slightest --
The twisted fate we have been endowed?
*I do not like to think this is all for naught

Dearest Destined Jewel,
                                         Of longest heartfelt yearning, Bestow on thee, Hamlet awaits, Ophelia picking flowers, Magnolia branches speaking, Beautifications of Spring.

Supreme buds of new life,  Magnoliaceae of Queen bees, An enterprise of wonder, Symbolic child's enchanted play, Faeries in flight whisper attractions, Fondness, Les fleurs du mal.

Ample blossoms, Bosoms of delight, Devouring light, Little birds sing, Nestling, Chirping a languishing cacophony, Blissful unawareness, Nature nurture the soul.

A slip then fall, Nearby church bells distract, Into abyss fallen, Elevated body all at once, Floating amidst flora, Drowning, Petticoat woven dress, Resting on fresh valley water, Immersion, No contention, Hamlet awaits.

© Sia Jane