Someone once said to me, “It’s the little things that drive you crazy!”

It’s not.

It’s the little things that drive you sane — pills, pats and pets.

All honor for what is small: dollops and gobs and dabs, the edges of pie crusts, chocolate shavings.

Hail micro-sacredness of life, tiny flotsam and mini-jetsam — veins, mists, creeks, fogs.

Is it not life’s micro-detail, womp and woof of wondrous world, that moves us to gratitude?

Drops, pinches, dashes, rain, cinnamon, lotion; fermions, flounces, hadrons, hats, bosons, bacon bits, antiquarks — there is a breath-taking thereness in the smallest things.

And then at last there is the weight and force of slivered, severed time.
The massive power of one, tiny, single “was.”

The mighty microsity of one “will be.”

And the astonishing force of this quickly, quarky, snarky second’s “is.

Hey little fiddle
I drink too much
You smoke too little

I met your mom
And your dad
Your little sister is EMOtional
Groundhogs day sad

I talk without reason
Left a bad man
For his treason

Let go of obscurity
To find the one thing I gotta be

Me

So hey little fiddle
Your moods swing from
Happy
Sad
Mad
American Rag-Tag
Glad

So play your notes
Take your tallies
I'll count votes

Hey little fiddle
Check out this finger
For you, right here
In the middle

There are so many ways to learn and grow,
to challenge one’s views of life, of death,
of the time in between.

At times, yes, there is a harshness to the wind,
a bite in your mother’s words and an unrelenting squirrel
emptying your bird feeder, but
know that there will be reward for your
continued generosity of thought,
and your assumption of the best in everything.

Given patience, the universe reaches out with gentle touches,
leaving offerings of love in the form of smooth pebbles,
pigeons and friends who offer to buy lunch.

We must learn to accept
the love we are offered,
no matter how unconventional.
Seek this love, be it in the form of a high five,
or in extra napkins for your glovebox,
in petting friendly stray cats.

Find love everywhere
and accept it, because those moments are the other half of the transaction.
Where you offer up time, the universe looks to compensate your loss.

Accept the spare dime in your cup holder, the acorn cap left on your windowsill
and the smiley face drawn on your cup,
as signs that the love you put out is equally
and fully returned by the world.

i stand here
in this room of cement
dreaming to be on the outside.

though, this dream is mercurial.

i can see the outside, through the one thing in the room.
a stained glass window.

it's colors clashing and colliding, to form the most beautiful picture
and suddenly,

my dream doesn't seem as important.

as the light shines through, the colors coat the room with warmth and beauty.

i've only one thing keeping me from my dream

something so fragile and so elegant, yet has the strongest hold on me.

i've only one thing keeping me from my dream

and yet,

i can't bring myself to destroy it.

This season of life is full of simplicity
predictability
normalcy
it’s a little boy about to turn 4 who asks Mama to play with him and read him the same books over and over again
birthday party planning, holiday coordinating
co parenting changing,
his stubborn side showing,
refusing to eat meals and pushing as far as he can
but also so so sweet when he tells me
“Mommy, you’re beautiful”
“Mom I want a hug”
“Mom will you sit by me?”
toddler talks and stuttering over his words because he can’t get them out fast enough
Sesame Street on repeat and little boy jokes
daycare drop offs and after work pick ups
bedtime routines and storybooks
Single child syndrome, center of attention
this season of life is so simple
motherhood now is like holding onto the baby things while also helping him do the big boy stuff,
independence blossoming
I always wondered when we would get here
past the diaper days
the breastfeeding
the restless nights
and teething
it’s all so bittersweet
My only baby
maybe my only baby
through ***** ups and scoldings he still wants to hold my hand and be carried by Mama
this season of life is all about childhood for an almost 4 year old little boy