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elizabeth Apr 2021
you told me, someday,
you'll get down on one knee
right on the spot where we first kissed

it's been a year and a day
my feet are still glued
to the spot where you left me
untitled journal entry from when i was in high school | 3rd of april, 2017
Verbatim Lynnie Mar 2021
I tried to grow, but held on so steadily,
That I burnt my pain in a form of ecstasy.
A drug I took, to release my anger,
Went up in smoke, causing me danger.
And this smoke blurred my vision, got caught in my eyes,
I was incessantly nervous, trying to survive,
Throughout sixteen years worth of trauma, and despise
I reach eighteen, to finally realize,
It wasn’t my fault, and sadly none knew,
What I experienced, and tried to subdue,
And I blamed and blamed myself for it all,
Taking the guilt, and taking the fall,
To find a point in life where I,
Accept in growth, things must die
So the memories had to, despite the pain,
Of walking through a burning flame,
And trying to fight the agonizing burn,
That one must feel, in order to learn.
long drive through summer nights
a ghostly salty smell nearby
a Polaroid of orion that your fingers trace
tears falling like a cascade on an uneven face

crinkles by your eyes are long gone
and your smile is only a memory stored
and you threw away your ring when you left the city
encaptured into a chrysalis of anonymity

new town, new place, unknown destination
sacrificed the name which your parents called you with proud once
in a state where your business is no one else's pain
and you're so grateful there's no familiar face

that's what's about running away
away from the hurt that left you astray
astray from the path that's your family's way
way into a place away from friends' solace

esther darling, I'm glad to see
your incandescent eyes in a serene epiphany
despite of the mediocrity
esther darling, this place was meant only for you to be.
follow the journey of a broken, but content lass as she loses her home but finds herself amidst the battles bestowed upon her.
Gela Mar 2021
I'm so lost for words right now.
I kind of feel empty,
But somehow, I feel relieved.

I don't know,
Should I go back,
Or perhaps not?
Would this be a waste of time?
letters from the past years
little lioness Mar 2021
No. No, I'm not.
Those words should warm my heart but instead they just fill me with dread and despair,
I want to be loved,
I want to be waited for,
I want to be wanted,
but not by you.

"Stop making me fall for you."
I'm trying. I don't want you to fall,
but you're plummeting towards the ground at 100 miles an hour and I will not be there to catch you.
I don't want you to love me,
I don't want you to wait for me,
I don't want you to want me,
but I don't want to break your heart.

"I can't wait for the future."
But I'm still hung up in my past.
I want to get married,
I want to have children,
I want to grow older,
but not with you by my side.

"Honesty could never hurt me, you can't hurt my feelings."
But I can break your heart.
You've given me everything I need to shatter it into two,
three,
four million pieces.
but what kind of person would that make me, to break something so fragile?


I will never grow to love you,
no matter how long you wait.
I don't want to break your heart, but keep pushing
and it might end up being too late.
in endless pursuits
of things, only proposed
that lay in adornment of
destiny's stony brook

adjacent, to our hopes
these objects of desire
of longing
they languish, as we slave on
for naught much more than to live
to have enough

they are forgotten in our dark times
in our moments
where light leaves us,
and are brought back
with fresh life
pn Mar 2021
you leave.
i wake up and you're gone.
you leave like how your kisses fade away on my clavicle.
you leave like the roses that slowly waste from june to
september.
you leave like you can't wait to.
you leave like there's nothing better in the world.
Nick Stiltner Mar 2021
When is when is when is
The next moment I will stand on this shore, looking out into the bay?
Who will I be and how will I see this same scene then?

How will I see again, the morning rising illuminating the tide, it’s misted glow refracting in all directions?

How will I hear again, the gull’s cry, a higher song hovering over the soft sway of the water, it’s lapping connection to the shore, gone now but always on its reverberating journey back?

How will the water feel on my feet, in early spring and then in ebbing twilight? Will I stand strong and blooming, or will I hunch and wither in decay, in memories of a long forgotten brighter day?

Will the salt spray still fill my nose, will its memory be etched in me always?

There is no sure way to know, no sure path we can follow, I say to myself.
When I return I will be him and he will have came from me, formed in the bubbling foam of my memories of this swaying sea.
But in my melancholy daze upon departure,
a vision appears to me as if a dream:

“Be gone!”
A mirage of the goddess Brizo comes to me, sitting alone in a galley bobbing along with the waves.
“Be gone! Hold not your journey in contempt, be scared not of the changing tides!
You have your vessel as I have mine, the sea is strong but not impassible!
Adjust your sails, redirect your mind, the wisdom of the sea follows, to any height you can climb!
The power is you, shed light on what you know to be true, look in the water and be calmed, know that you are you!

Be gone! Go from me, away from this fading part of your journey,
There is still much of the world to see!
Do not linger, do not hesitate,
Do not be contented, with a hazy view of the sea from your seat on the shore!”
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