I step into the doorway
Goosebumps form across my skin
Four purples wall surround me
I sit on the bed, that almost became my coffin

This is where Lost Soul was made
I heard footsteps as my mom walks in
She says " I bet you miss this room"
But she doesn't know when I come back in here that I'm afraid

I look at the desk where I wrote my last goodbye
That fan dried my tears
That pillow soaked up my nightly crys
I spent so many months in this room
many parts of myself died
I can feel the faint presence of little girl and Lost soul still in this tomb

Thats why...
Ever since I moved out I have writers block
None of my poems trend
I wake up several times in the night
To just stare at the clock
Tick tock tick tock

After every visit...
As I drive home, I feel the room call my name
All the demons want to play
I drown out the voices
But my mind doesn't feel the same
as when I came

No mom, I do not miss this room
You have no clue what went on in here
All u do is assume
I say all of this in my mind
Because if she was to pay attention
Theres secrets in here that shes not prepared to find....

Heart's quiescence defies hope's recreance.
Resigned to singular endeavor,
Connection's Desert Delver
decries society's conformity salve.
Bearing burns by breaking-

Ashes pile on the ground.

My Anxiety is odd
It’s not like how others describe it in the books
I don’t tremble in a large group
I radiate, never hesitating to cause a laugh
I don’t stress and fidget in front of a crowd
I stand taller and have no fear of what’s to come
It’s when I’m alone, that’s when it happens
Sitting, isolated from the rest
Shopping, waiting, walking from A to B
I can’t help but shake
Overthinking every move I make
Breathing deeply and frail at the same time
A panic attack around the corner
Standing idly, awaiting the brutality
Hitting me in the gut, taking my breath
Being ruthless as it watches me fall
When I realize I’m out of control
It sneaks in, startling me and I’m unable
To shake off the lightheadedness that comes
From holding in the large tears and suffocating the sobs
As someone who doesn’t know their own volume
I silence
Happening less and less over the last few years
I’m more at ease with the self awareness
It’s just hard to comprehend
Why so many crave to be alone

Have you faced a fear and known the power of its defeat?

Did you find that your new fear is the not fearing it no more?

Replaced now by a fear of the known roads that lead you to be that brave again and the knowing that you can?

I have drawn back from a world where those roads are where I am compelled by choices not my own.

Instead through isolation I choose not to defeat that fear again. Along that road I know the destination that awaits.

I fear those roads and those who would lead me there.
And as with you and your fears... it is from them that I hide.

I know my own bravery and the point at which I break.
That road for now best avoided and the one way sign well marked.

Isolated.
When your hands are cold in your dark room, are you afraid?
When your eyes became all watery, were you scared?
If my breathing's heavy, do you care?
And will I have a life to share?

Can I think that I'm alone?
Will you let me break my throne?
Would you let me cause a scene?
Or would you say that I'm unseen?

Is ignorance the norm?
In every shape and form?
Are my curtains dark enough?
Do I pretend like it's too rough?

More action or just words?
The mentality of birds?
Do I belong to flocks, or herds?
I know I don't, so it just hurts?..

I'm isolated, sigh.
I'm devastated, why?
The rumors, that I hear,
Have never caused my fear.