the lethargy
seeping like some primordial liquid
through the walls of my rocky cave
into my morning
into my enthusiasm
into my productivity

the discomfort
descends a familiar blanket
coarse wet fibrous
to fall from above and wrap 
my shoulders
my torso 
my legs

so common
so disinterested in the individual me
this cold 
it moves in
indifferent
to ride my rapidly waning energy
like a broken horse
to its next host

The bite of your words in my ear, the touch
of your thoughts as they patter like specks of
rain on my skin, the feelings I have for
you, this undeniable and uncontrollable
attraction... they make my eyes glisten with
happiness and my stomach fill with nausea.
I cannot tell if this sickness that you
give me is just fear or if it is the
knowledge of an illusion that my heart
is presenting to everyone. Even to myself.

When sick,
Life ***** stones.
But ******* stones
Beats daisies.

The harshness of mental illness,
Who's the soul's hidden polisher,
And the soul's hidden nourisher,
Rewards with Faith and steadiness.

When you speak
The whole world pauses to listen
Such wisdom comes from behind those lips
But you rarely speak.

I know i'm not really myself
when i'm doing this
I'm not quite myself very often
to be honest
but I regret
every single time I wasn't there myself.
I hate this disease
i hate this disorder
and the things it makes me do
when I'm in an island
far away from myself
living in a reality
where stolen things are quite better
than my own
and the moon shines, bitter & anguished
because I stole its shine away
and put it on the star
that lingers in my stolen
rag heart.

I miss our silent conversations
And how we would watch movies
I miss your soft and soothing voice too
But the way I treated you was wrong
I'm sorry for everything I said to you

I really miss you.

You are a sickness
Turning me helpless
My mind muddled
Senses in unexplainable chaos
I'm completely wrecked
You alone
Affect me
This way

But simultaneously

You are an antidote
Making me whole
My mind clarified
Senses ultimately heightened
I'm in complete ecstasy
Only you
Affect me
This way

you were seasick
but you don't know
where it came from
or where you feel  
the discomfort
the agony
or the shooting pain

you lose sense of time
and days were taken for granted
the sea monsters
were pulling you down
and the creatures
that only existed
in your mind
broke loose
like pandora's box

they liked walking
on your ribs
and would feel their
curves and edges

tremors and heartaches
continued like how
the trees quivered
and were carried out
by the hurricane

people look at you
as if they've been to
the peak of your
highland mountain
from the base
but only sees
the tip of the iceberg