i am sick of you ignoring me
not answering my messages
not even looking at them

you said you cared
you said you like talking

i guess you lied

no i have no way to tell you
how much i hate you
how much you ruined me
how much i loved you

My long time friend, he has returned, laying pain, upon my heart. And on my chest, my head, my mind. He is back, this time worse, no one's here. Wish I wasn't.

This is my curse.

Ignore this, for it is not a poem. Just something to ease my mind.

Failure is not only a concern, but also a part of life
Ignore it,
deny the same,
defy it, however, facts never change.

Like the odds when they come along the way,
which need to be tackled,
they prove to be of use, of great benefit in enriching prior experience,
similarly,
in the same way,
failure is the first step towards success.

Never get disappointed, don’t give up,
since prevention has always remained better than cure
One wrong step never meant it's end of the world
One wrong step never meant to be a full stop
One wrong step, however, definitely means not to repeat the same mistake again.

Definitely failure is not only a concern, but also a part of life,
best when agreed upon and accepted,
so as to make sure that the same thing never happens again, all over again.

Feelings can be ignored because it's a choice.
You can choose what to feel.
But ignoring feelings are like an itch you want to scratch,
a thread that is visibly hanging loose that you want to pull or the urge to sneeze.*
*Feelings can be ignored, but they will always come to bother you.
You can ignore feelings, but you can't deny that you are feeling them.

Continuous tides of connection,
Communication and touch between us,
And now silence.
Stillness.
Not a single tremor or ripple
Not even a whisper of wind.

Like the moments after a bomb drops,
you've left my ears ringing.
I don't know what I've done
To deserve this.
Silence.
Stillness.

No response.

In profile is the only way I see you these days
or from behind, in the way the sun can’t shine
through shades drawn you closed your heart
and your face followed, eyes front, soldier,
don’t you dare look at her who dares closer,
orders coming from your need to stay a loner.

like looking at a ****** video of an alien
through hi-def 3D lenses, wibbly wobbly
(things that don't make sense to your eyes)
like laying in a field, still
while the rest of the world spins around you
like feeling all too much so it hurts
and wanting to feel so much more
crying and screaming and laughing
the urge to jump out of yourself
because your soul is packed in so tight.

thoughts bump into each other in your head
released from their cages they swim through your mind
they whisper or they scream and you don't know which is worse
you want to talk to someone, anyone
but you know the words would come out all too fast
plus who says this feeling isn't just a little nice?

lights on, lights off
colors flash as you open and close your laptop.
a threatening screen, yet welcoming, comforting at the same time.
a bright light in the dark of night
how can you help but stare?

more words swim faster
you laugh, don't try to stop them
let yourself go for the night
(the irony is that you're holding onto something anyway)
something intangible, unreal, but there
keeping you still, frozen.
euphoric, psychedelic, hyperactive
does anything really make sense?

standing up will pull you back down hard
listen and you hear a deafening empty silence
fill it with your sobs of frustration.
it won't end until you cry yourself to sleep
and the bed suddenly seems so soft...

You tell me I have to start sleeping right
but you don't know why I'm up at night
and since when have you made decisions
about what I choose to do in my own life
the last time I remember you having a say
was way back when- before the rain came
inside my head is a war, it's been going on
for longer than you've been gone-
have no fear, this isn't your fault
it's mine for trying to rely on someone
*who is not myself.