I guess this is goodbye
because it was all a lie
when you see me around
don't bother saying hi
or any other kind of hello
because I'll ignore you
to avoid more pain
I should've realised
that you could see the disdain
smothered all over my face
but this is the end because I'm
tired of two worded conversations
and the feeling I get when I read
what you've written and just are
unable to delete. You still have feelings,
just not for me.

Tall, skinny, dark skin tanned by the sun
a football t-shirt with his school logo
the same high school I graduated from
walking ten feet in front of his mother
head down, nose in his smartphone
he slows his pace and meets up with her
in the Halloween section
I hear her ask,
"What are you going to do for red ribbon week?"
to which he rose his head for two seconds to reply with annoyed snarkiness,
"I don't know but I'm not wearing anything on my face.."
off he goes
nose in his phone
and suddenly my heart wrenched for her
for him
for that tone and the way he is missing out on this time with his Mom even though it seems so mundane to a teenage boy to grocery shop with his Mother
the saying is true
you won't appreciate your parents until it's too late and you're already grown and out of the house
I felt for myself
I'm having a son
and all I could think was
'what if one day that's me, watching my teenage son ignore me on his smartphone I pay way too much for so he can get on Facebook and waste his thoughts on brainwashing Internet trends, not caring to really talk to me anymore, or even care if I exist'

If we coincidentally meet somewhere one of these days
I will look into your eyes and find the answers to my questions
those questions I have been asking
and you have been avoiding
I will find those answers
before my eyes filled with tears
before my tears start rolling down my cheeks
before I wipe them out
before you find I cried
before you feel irritated
before you feel like running away
before you fake an excuse
before I request you to stay for some more time
before you deny
before you walk away
before I find myself helpless
before I hate myself for looking into those eyes again
before I regret for meeting you again

Sometimes, I can be a bit much
I might text you multiple random things at a time
And I’ll know you read them
But i’ll keep sending them anyways
I’ll constantly be talking to myself
Because it seems like
No one wants to talk to me
I’ll be there for you always
But you’ll never return the favor
I’m there to worship at your feet
But you push me away when it’s my turn
And I start going insane
Thinking constantly
Ignoring you
Ignoring everyone
Because
Sometimes, I can be a bit much

My desire exists
And it is what I say
I wanted affection
But not in this way

your face is a fire
I  cannot compare
To anyone present
For no one is there

And I am a shadow
Of figments like you
The sorry exposure
you will not undo

So come to the corner
And open the door
Let's be in the moment
We cannot ignore

It must be nice to not be lonely.
To have such a place,
Where people smile; the same song.
I want to someday, sing along.
It's too bad that I'm not wanted.
No one wants to hear my voice.
At least not by choice.