A quiet safe place,
which you love to call your home,
Is the place to be

There's a woody house overthere.bring my steps solidly.crip crop... I'm freezing mostly.in this time of the day it's not very shocking to be cold.
The weather is snowing with a box of cheer the winter have been carrying.I move towerd the woody house.open the door.light the candles& sit on the cozy couch.breath deeply.bring my guitar& play the part you like.you turn on your recorder.happily you drink your coffee.then I read a book about great hearts.it says nothing breaks like a heart even you need someone help you sweep the pieces of your broken heart.then a sudden phone call arised.
Umm... hello? _ hi Kelsey.this is Mery. oh Mery I missed you girl.how are you? _ I'm fine.where are you now? _ I'm in the country resting in my cozy woody house._well Saturday is Mery Christmas .would you like to join us? _of course. Then....

I’ve been cold since December
The trees groan and ache in the wind, just like these old bones
Passed down from mother to mother
Until they finally reached me
Do these bones hold art?
Do they hold forgotten names?
What storms have beheld these stories?
Why do they grow cold at the growing shadows?

My home has been cold since December
Winter weather penetrates the walls, chilling
These
Old
Bones
Where has this cold come from?
Why does it seek me to embrace it?
But most importantly
If I do embrace it, what will happen to me then?

My soul’s been cold since December
It knows that it was the month I was born in
It knows I shouldn’t have lasted this long
It knows these old bones are ready to collapse
Why have they waited this long?
Who are they waiting for?
Who is going to come to collect me?
Why have I been born if only to die?

My heart’s been cold since December
No, since before that
Not even the summer sun can thaw loneliness
I have frostbite in my chest
What would happen if I just took it out?
Could anyone dare to love me then?
I’m not asking for much; just asking for a friend
Perhaps if I take out my heart, then my wounds may finally heal

My life’s been cold since forever
To say it hasn’t been that way for a long time would be to lie
It’s not just the winter sun that lacks heat
I have nothing left to live for
Where would I be if I was worth anything to those around me?
Where would I go if everything I touched didn’t wither and die before me?
Who would love me if I could be loved?
Who could love
These old bones?

My grandfather peels an
X-chromosome off his liquor bottle
skips it across the pool of my mother’s genes
until it reaches me
yellow cigarette stained walls
green ashtray carpet on his tongue
blue back room full of old guitars
black mechanic oil stained hands
sandpaper voice
watching Jaws 4
homeless woman on couch
feeds dog black coffee
brown belly dragging across tongue
Thanksgiving dinners
my brother plays “Purple Haze”
out of a reluctant amplifier
the old folks applaud
the colors are beginning to
fade
he
battling cancer his way
watching Jaws 4
dog now dead
homeless woman now
no longer homeless
back skin where left ear
used to be
old guitars pawned for
drugs
Purple Haze fades to
black as colors do
and they say
it skips a generation
and now when shades
of pink appear white
my tongue grows thick
smoke burns my nostrils
and
I can only think of
how terrible of a film
Jaws 4 is.

empty and abandoned,
the house sits alone
quietly pondering
the flowers that grow
in the cracked floorboards

rickety and tired,
the house sits alone
swaying with the wind
that rocks the
nearby dogwood

moldy and stale,
the house sits alone
admiring the beauty
of the sound of the rain

abandoned and empty,
the house sits alone
quietly pondering
if there were ever to be
any more visitors at all.

They say,
It’s okay to cry
Because
You need to let it
All out.

And when I did,
It wouldn’t stop,
I couldn’t stop,
I had no control
And it burned.

Cloud full of tears
Planting seeds and
Growing thorns
Around my body twisting in knots
I couldn’t untie.

I knew
That being in this house
Was trapping me,
Boxing me up like old toys
Put away, tucked shut.

I felt cornered
With no way out,
No way to escape
All the feelings
Inside me.

I was short of breath,
Close to out of it.
Upset as I was,
I needed to turn it all off
And put an end to it, the agony.

So I took a walk in the rain
At four in the morning
Still dark out
But I had to get out
Of the house.

But finally,
Finally.
I felt release
Through
The fresh air breeze.