I was freshly turned 17, you were freshly turned 21.
I didn't know you ***** me at the time, but I now know for sure.
I was madly in love with another woman, frustrated I wasn't getting her.
So you saw an opportunity to teach me the birds and the bees.
Yet you were still a stranger to me.
How could I say no with my raging hormones?
Didn't think that desire would burn into my bones
Never expected an addiction to make its home in me.
In between these years I'm still within that sphere
Another one night stand, another *** buddy, another thrill that kills a part of me.
I bet you didn't think that your in-between-boyfriends-plaything would start doing what you did to me.
Except now I despise myself when I realized I take advantage of my playthings... maybe ***** someone like you ***** me.
I don't blame you, though. I only blame myself.
I'm trying to forgive you, like I'm learning to forgive myself.

The water rises,
as my nose dives in,
into this fear that's growing,
but yet not showing.
I soon will be drowning,
not coughing on water-
but yet choke on fear-
as I've awoke the fight or flight within-
that feels like the punishment of all my sins,
it seems to last forever,
wish upon this to another-
I would never,
for it is torture,
I know nothing more sure-
than how horrible it is to be stuck within yourself
in the midst of its own war,
I feel the end coming deep in my core.

And I-
will be the only casualty.

I always let the alcohol settle in my liver,
Before I let my guard down.
That way if drunk me does something horrible,
I don't have to remember it in the morning.

"i've got strong faith
strong enough to believe
that daydreaming
isn't as wonderful or horrible
as it's made out to be
but i've got a near to naive mind
naive enough to not
be capable of daydreaming,"
he said.
to which i replied, "that's some kind of.. sad."

Tears stream down my face
As I watch the evening news
My eyes see each horrible case
And I follow the camera crews

A bomb exploding in Boston
A boy killed by police
Then fluff about a dolphin.
All this needs to cease.

Another man killed on the streets
Genocide in other lands
People sleeping without sheets
Shivering from toes to hands

People rioting in the dark
Looting shops and homes
Humanity has left its mark
All that will be left are Bones

Future generations will look back at ours
After we are dead and gone
We have created our own jail bars
They might never see the dawn

This world is so messed up
I think we need a proctor
We are all like Angry Pups
*What we really need is a Doctor.

Today was horrible.
Just the worst.
Just like yesterday,
and the day before that.
Right?
No.
Life may have its downs - some days more than others.
But think.
Just Think.
At least one good thing happened.
Just one.
Talked to an old friend?
Someone complement your hair or clothes?
What about your favorite artist?
They release a new song or album?
New book?
Did someone dare to smile and wave at you?
Just think.
Life is not only downs.
As the days go by,
It gives us ups too.
Just think.
When you woke up,
when you got to school,
When you got home,
on the bus
or an the path,
or in a car.
Who did you see?
What did you see?
What did you think?
Was there fear?
Anxiety?
Maybe there was.
But Just think.
About those happy thoughts.
Those happy times you had.
Because they will be back.
Just give it time.
Just Think.

I am my own worst nightmare. And my own incredible dream. I am what I was and what I will be. I am every mistake I've made and every success. I am not one thing I am many incredible and horrible things all messed up into one. <3 really so are you