Hold fast to forgetting, so I did but I
could still hear the music of my heart's strainings.
Listening for the note that would say
it's divine where you're heading.
Understand me now, hold fast to forgetting.

Palms and hedges and drooping flowers
Redeeming my desperation for a marvel
Palms and hedges and drooping flowers
We’ll get there soon, don’t sulk, let’s go

The moon is low today, something about it
Makes me want to stay, dark green bends,
Said end of an age, not for me, worth it but
I know the Lord does not see like man-kind

Like bells, time tolls, but I’ve run distant – don’t hear ‘em
Like resurrection, time’s ignored, so I’m not afraid to hold you close
Long travels are tiresome but get you were you want to go

And finally I’m in the house of redemption like more – Morrison
It’s easy to love the more long lanes, dark hours
Won’t trade it at all, these what money’s for
Taken with soft tropic pain, I watch the moon alone
But this is bliss, maddening bliss, want it, give me bliss

The moon is bright and old, reflecting the sun
Like I do a great design. City’s a beautiful lagoon
With gems lingering in their own detention
Not it’s not decided so I’ll sing it cold, electric

Dont forget to hear my plea
Hold me tight when I am dangling free
When the ground below is not willing to hold my feet
and the sky above has refused to envelope my being in its deceit....

Lonely but not when you hold me can you see that there is no me with out that part of you that grew like two seeds into one tree youre all that i need
Lonely but not when you hold me youre beauty weighs on me this feelings too good should i be allowed to be this utterly happy baby tell me am i good enough for you, are your morals as asque as mine do you find existence divine even though it brings you to tears do you fear theres no point to this all but anyways ya stand tall so they dont see just how scared you can be at times and do you think that its a crime people being so closed minded do you feel like if you could youd get rid of just about every person but if ya really think about it ya realize thatd be kinda irksome lonely and youd rather just be occasionally a very great distance from everybody

You didn’t turn the pages and you refused to look past the cover
The dark overtones and jagged edges repulsed you
It wasn’t flat. It wasn’t cut and dry
You wanted simplicity and the book was anything but that
You left it laying about your house.
A landing spot for your coffee mug on your way out the door
A place to toss your keys as you dispersed your belongings around the house
This book had you taken the time to open it would’ve intrigued you
Piqued your interest
Caught your attention
Left you holding your breath as you turned the pages
Had you opened the book you’d have found exactly what you thought you had been missing
Had you opened the book you’d have been left, rivited by the last page
You’d have reread the last 4 pages over and over becuase you weren’t ready for it to end.
But instead you judged it
And the cover alone scared you
Do you realize you didn’t even get to the good part?
You missed the best parts and you aren’t even aware
How do you miss something you never had?
Do you feel the regret wafting in like a Still breeze, you don’t know what you had
Or maybe you did, maybe the cover was all you needed to see. Maybe that was enough
Maybe leaving this stone unturned, that page unread, this book unopened was exactly what you needed.
You didn’t keep the book because you knew you’d never see the words it held between its dark  covers
You jammed in into the drop slot outside a library it didn’t even belong to.
Anxious to rid yourself from the feeling of impending emotions
Desperate not to feel, not to give in, not to let the middle precede the last
I wish you would’ve opened the book
Not to the first page, not even to the middle. I’d have settled for the last page.
Becuase it’s there where I finally got it together.  
It’s there that I laid it all bare, a night sky open for All to see. It’s there that I sewed a piece of myself into the words. It’s there that I’d have taken your breathe away and stolen your heart.
But again, these are all just words trapped in a book you returned. unread.

If you grow up the type of woman men want to look at,
You can let them look at you.
But do not mistake eyes for hands or windows or mirrors.
Let them see what a woman looks like.
They may have not ever seen one before.

If you grow up the type of woman men want to touch,
You can let them touch you.
Sometimes, it is not you they are reaching for.
Sometimes it is a bottle, a door, a sandwich, a Pulitzer — another woman.
But their hands found you first.
Do not mistake yourself for a guardian or a muse or a promise or a victim or a snack.
You are a woman — skin and bones, veins and nerves, hair and sweat.
You are not made out of metaphors, not apologies, not excuses.

If you grow up the type of woman men want to hold,
You can let them hold you.
All day they practice keeping their bodies upright.
Even after all this evolving it still feels unnatural.
Still strains the muscles, hold firms the arms and spine.
Only some men will want to learn what it feels like to curl themselves into a question mark around you,
Admit they do not have the answers they thought they would by now.
Some men will want to hold you like the answer.
You are not the answer.
You are not the problem.
You are not the poem or the punch-line or the riddle or the joke.


Woman, if you grow up the type men want to love,
You can let them love you.
Being loved is not the same thing as loving.
When you fall in love, it is discovering the ocean after years of puddle jumping.
It is realizing you have hands.
It is reaching for the tightrope when the crowds have all gone home.

Do not spend time wondering if you are the type of women men will hurt.
If he leaves you with a car alarm heart, you learn to sing along.
It is hard to stop loving the ocean even after it has left you gasping — "salty."
So forgive yourself for the decisions you've made.
The ones you still call mistakes when you tuck them in at night and know this:
Know you are the type of woman who is searching for a place to call yours.
Let the statues crumble.
You have always been the place.
You are a woman who can build it yourself.
You are born to build.

-Sarah Kay

They say that when you’re with someone you love your heart and soul will light up light the Fourth of July.
But for us that was actually the night it all began.
We began tickling and flirting, only reading each others silent reply.
Because at that moment, at that moment we started something we never mean’t to plan.

The instant our lips touched, there were fireworks much bigger and brighter than the ones that had been going off all night.
Seemed to be frozen in time with everything else happening around us, we fabricated our own reality.
Since then everytime our eyes meet my heart is filled with a wonderous sight.
Since then everytime we talked I fell more in love with your personality.

This short time we shared has been so much fun.
Even though we thought what was happening between us was so bizarre.
Now I am not scared because you might be with one.
I’m absolutly terrified because I know that you are.

I have to leave now but I promise I’ll be back.
Because you are what I’ve always lacked.

coffee shop dazes in the rain
4:15 cravings
knit sweaters that I always forget
the clatter of change on the table

mindless small talk for hours
my fingers fidgeting with my phone
a second order of sweetness
another dozen moments of silence

trying desperately to keep the conversation going
your hand constantly on your phone
and I don’t know what I am doing anymore
all I know is that I might be desperate

because I have no idea if you notice
that over sips of coffee my eyes wander to you
all your denim and your scuffed up sneakers and your bed hair
I notice the lines in your hands and the hollow of your throat

and I keep biting my tongue to keep myself from saying
I kinda wanna hold your hand in mine
I kinda wanna push the hair out of your eyes
I kinda want you all to myself

I clench my hands in my lap
knowing that you are inches from me
knowing that I can hold your heartbeat if I could
knowing that you will never allow it

and maybe I will stay here
right across from you in coffee shops
trying to hide my smile behind tentative sips
knowing that I do not have a place with you.