As drops descend from his face, rolling past his heart to be soaked up by whoever might pass underneath

Blanketed in a wispy layer of mist
he grips her hand tightly

Wanting to get up from the place he’s been anchored to for so long but not ready to
The dull sinking feeling that resides over him, pushing him further and further deeper

into the surface

These absent buildings clinging around only setting him in his place,
at the edge of perception

What is left of his mind begins to drift, leaching out like a plague of activity across a circuit board

And exactly like a switch, he finds something she hid inside of him
An incendiary note, left
Time itself seems to stop for a moment,
sparking from him

Setting her soul ablaze
so vibrantly scorching her existence

And so, I stand
In witness

Of such an ethereal sight
and see
just the smallest details

where drops turn to streams and paralysis turns into a rigid tremble

Managing to unclasp his hands from where they were
he shivers

Placing his hands onto the pavement
unfamiliarity seeping out his fingertips and spilling

the snow melting softly around him

Unknowing of where exactly I am, he tries to compose himself
But he doesn’t notice that his legs have gone unused for so long

Struggling to stand like a newly born lamb he stumbles
thankful for the absence of those buildings

His breath unconcealed in the spiritless atmosphere
Caution in the wind veiled by snowflakes

falling

Just like before, the sheets of ice lay atop, varnishing what seems to be a landscape of optimism
Obscured by crimson flesh and soft chimes of melancholy that resonates within him,

a sun rises

He begins to stand
The mist circling his feet, trailing him as he makes his way beyond the buildings

Beyond the colourless town
Beyond his travesty
His heart still so sharply yearning for what once was but couldn’t be
to something more

And here I stand
A distance so short

away from him

in an entirely parallel world
Watching him as he takes the first steps out of the mist
closer, and closer

he steps

his face, as cold as ice
detached from this harbour
transcending gradually into consciousness

I decide to put my reservations aside and reach out for him
the light piercing through his lifeforce
irises so profound

an abyss of magnificence
alluding to what could only be the unfaltering desire of inception
the temptations that captivate him
releasing him from where he once stood

and so he realises;
The snow is no longer dripped with red
and it is instead

an eternal springtime in his mind

enlightened
the new surroundings
curing him from the dangers of his thought
beaming with new hope

and for the first time

I see in clarity

an angels wings repair itself
from the depths of grief and desolation.

and then I weep.

For nothing could have prepared me for the sight of this journey.

In the dead of night
Apart but awake
You working, me waiting
Avoiding a sleep, I did not want to take
Conversation so rich and open
Startling so, so early on
Every text, every secret, every want, every fear
Laid bare on a screen, before the rising sun

And rise it did, but I shot my shot
And reply in kind you did indeed
After spending the night caring for others
Here you for, doing it for me

Sleeping through the morning hours
I hold you close, locked tight in kind

The scent of a rose garden, drenched in the sun
Small and secluded, private and peaceful
A single tree, providing shade
And that luscious smell, irresistible and easeful

Awake we did, a few hours later
And we lay there for more, before I could wait no more
Locked in a kiss neither wished to break
Hands moving, bodies swaying, why did I wait before
So naturally we moved
Like we’d known each for years
Confidence you exuded
But no arrogance to be feared

A long night
A wonderful morning
An afternoon to remember
Our next time is calling

As the basking warmth of the sun
Comes cascading through the blinds
It finds itself cast on still, rested souls
Serene and calm, no rest disturbed

Cwtch, a word from a wondrous place
An intimate moment, two’s safest space
To hold, and be held
Seldom seen, but always shared

She rolled over and pulled me close
Her hand on my chest, my heart rate rose
This feeling was always undersold
So hard to find, or so I’m told
That same warming sun
Now shimmering through her hair
That cute messy bun
No makeup, I do not care

Now she wakes and opens her eyes
A greyish blue
With a sparkling hue
They look back into mine
Transfixed, I smile
I say something nice
It’s probably too much
But I don’t think twice

The hours roll by
No need to move
I wait for my moment
Overthinking it through
Reciprocated in kind
Why did I wait so long?
Missing every **** sign
But now there’s no wrong
Two souls entwined

Not urgent, not laboured
Just passion savoured
Nothing fancy, nothing forced
Ain’t lost in the sauce
Soft and sweet
Enjoyed to the end
At some point I must go
Another day
Another time
We’ll be back there again
Cwtching till the light
Comes back through the blinds

I'm not trying to over complicate
Something so simple
As holding a hand.
I have seen too many friends
Strip down until they are completely covered in
Vulnerability.
And watch the person they trust
Take what they want
And treat it as a joke.
This I have decided that the gateway to my trust
Will always be closed.
I'm quick for a kiss
But awfully slow
For holding your hand.

Pounding,
Throbbing,
Stinging pain.

It keeps punching,
Kicking,
At my brain.

I can't see out of my eye.
Not with this,
This solid grip.
Slowly tightening around it.

My vision is cut off,
My pain unbearable.
No one can help me from this deathlike grasp,
Because Migraine has a hold of me now.

My Victorian gold bordered mirror
shines the withered teal tides back at me,
wrapping my body in such a way
that doesn’t feel too loose, or too tight.
It's a comforting embrace that reminds me
of the swaddling technique mothers use
on their newborns, so they feel safe again.
Internally, I hope this finally makes me
feel like everything is going to be okay.

Little by little
I am
learning
to
let
go

I am learning to let go
Of rehearsed questions and unanswered responses

Of missed opportunities
Expectations and disappointments

Of words not said, feelings not felt, mistakes not rectified

I am learning to free myself from perfection and guilt
Allowing myself to marvel at the chaos of life
And continue to grow amidst the wreckage

I am learning to let go of people
Watching them walk away with smiles and understanding
Accepting that it wasn't our time
And if not in the future
We will meet again in another lifetime

I am learning to let go
Slowly
I am learning to let go
And in letting go
I am learning to hold tighter
Hold faster
Hold fiercer
To all that should never be let go