If sleep is a portal through time
Then I haven’t found that white rabbit to follow down the hole
To magical adventures
Instead I sit in heavy consciousness under this tree
Waiting for him to appear

I forgive you for hurting me.
I forgive you for lying to me,
for betraying me,
for leaving me all alone,
and for ignoring me.
I forgive you
Because hating you hurts.
The memories are like anchor holding me back
Thinking about you.
That time just makes my
Wounds sore,
Brain bruise,
Heart heavy
and the poison in my veins
is hurting me.
So I forgive you.
I know the poison will leave slowly,
so I forgive you to heal me.
I’ll let go of the grudges
To find peace.

My heart grows Heavy
It beats its self to sleep
each and every night
Alone and in the dark
Afraid to even live
I hear a broken heart
Beating in the dark
I hear a lonely voice
Telling me " you will die alone"
I toss and turn in bed
Feeling will this ever change
I hope to feel loved once a
in the shadows of my world
Feeling lost with out true love
Help me uncover my hidden heart

It is immovable.
The greatest teller of time,
The foundation of the very earth we dare to tread.
The culmination of millions of years,
Impossible pressure, heat, transformation,
This simple marvel,
Resides in my stomach.
It is the biggest stone to ever rest upon the earth,
It does not budge,
It is here to stay,
Down my throat, it slipped and it now rests,
Forevermore.

blowing blowing heavy rain
blowing icy warm drops
blowing blowing heavy rain
this wind reveals its fan

my candle is on the world table
and she lost her color today
even she even the table even the kitchen
all lost color and flicker of fire

27.11.18

Holding people back is worse than being worthless, it’s costly.
They pay and pay and pay but why?
Why go into debt for me?
I can’t give you anything but these broken parts.
They aren’t beautifully tragic, they aren’t something that can be turned around.
They are just pathetic and sad and I’m a weight on your ankle.
How does it feel carrying 90 pounds plus the weight of the world?
Carrying the sky has crushed me and I threw that burden onto you too.
Congratulations for getting ****** in!
Was my siren melody too much for you?
I was sure they would of shoved the plugs into your ears.
My reputation precedes me.

As a drenched, drowned bee
Hangs numb and heavy from a bending flower,
So clings to me
My baby, her brown hair brushed with wet tears
And laid against her cheek;
Her soft white legs hanging heavily over my arm
Swinging heavily to my movements as I walk.
My sleeping baby hangs upon my life,
Like a burden she hangs on me.
She has always seemed so light,
But now she is wet with tears and numb with pain
Even her floating hair sinks heavily,
Reaching downwards;
As the wings of a drenched, drowned bee
Are a heaviness, and a weariness.

Like fireflies in the dark
I see your tears with closed eyes
You’re the bird in my heart
Who never stops singing
Amongst the dagger ribs