This jar is full of tears cried in vain and all for you
If you drowned in them you'd feel the way I do
Firm packed words and memories all you've left me with
The notion that everlasting love is just a myth
Taken handfuls of pills every morning and night
None of which bring me closer to feeling alright
And flung on wall are my remaining ***** to give
My lack of concern I'll ask you to forgive
They did not protest
I plucked them from my chest
Happy to be free from the bars in my breast
Replenishing what was surrendered
The air
That is the curse of being forced to care
The clothesline of ***** laundry hung to dry
In past would be reason to cry
Burdened with knowledge of the atrocity I am
Blessed I no longer give a ****

If given the chance would you ask for me back?
Each tear I've shed would you help me uncry?
The bad moments erased like an amnesiac
Reverse time to before you said goodbye

You'd be a better man than you were
I would be better too
Stop you from walking out the door
Would not give you a reason to

All we were
was the end of a moment
All we were
was spilled wine on the carpet
All we were
was lingering, fading, words never spoken
We should've been the start of time
But all we are is...

She sets the dinner table
Sits down and places a napkin on her laps
Fills her wine glass and
With every sip of gasoline
She sparks a conversation
With the demons awakened
By the ruins of her childhood
©CathyDevan

snap back to reality
where we sneak out of windows
and bike down the midnight streets
with weary hearts and unsteady feet
to meet each other
in the middle of the night
the only time we can hold each other
without being burdened by judging eyes

a cardboard closet just for you and me
in the corner of the universe
where we hide silently, waiting
for the planets to align, waiting
for the stars to align, waiting
for some kind of sign
simply just waiting while
we are lost in each other's eyes

and after a long time
i finally realized
that the constellations in the sky
have always aligned
with lines of your hands
and the curve of your waist
and even the glow of dying stars
reflected the warmth of your skin

but snap back to reality,
with cameras in the corners
and sneaking out is like escaping hell
and with a window comes freedom
but free-falling fifteen feet down
and landing myself in the hospital
with a broken leg or a bruised ego
would just make things worse

so this becomes the reason why
i am choking on my breath under a dark sky
with a heart that has forgotten how to beat
a mouth that has forgotten how to speak
and lungs that have forgotten how to breathe
because i am trapped within a false reality
of what could have been and should have been
of what we were and what we could never be