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"Will I make it?"
the heart cries.

A thousand tries,
yet I fall.

"Should I lower my expectations?"
it whispers.

"No, it's not over until you win,"
the mind insists,
like night cradles the sky;
light will come soon.
To those chasing their dreams, remember: there's always light at the end of the tunnel for those who remain true to their hard work and dedication.
Don't you know once we're down this road, there's no going back                  
                                                                ­                                                      
All these years of loving you, where did we fall off track?                                
                                                                ­                                              
Looking back at all the years, I doubt we would know when                                                             ­                                                
                                                                ­                                                  
We would rather hate each other than to call the other friend                          
                                                                ­                                                    
No use getting sentimental, it is what it is                                                  
                                                                ­                                                        
I don't know where we go after all of this                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                      
                                                                ­                                                        
You can go your way, and I will go mine, there's no turning back                      
                                      ­                                                                 ­               
The cards are laid & they've been played but the cards were stacked                
                                                                ­                                                      
It was felt but not said aloud for a long, long time                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
We could have lived in ignorance & it would be just fine                                      
                      ­                                                                 ­                           
But I decided that truth would set us both free                            
                                ­                                                                 ­             
What we couldn't see was how it affected us emotionally
Isn't it unfair? I mean,
why does your heart grow back bigger?
I mean, it grows - why? Experience?
Is it a version of 'what doesn't **** you,' etc.
Is it cos it gets stretched to breaking point?
Or maybe it's more like how water
expands when frozen
(that makes no sense, ignore that last bit.)
But your heart does seem to grow
back after a while, and it feels bigger.
Or maybe it just feels emptier
because it got used to being so full.
Anyhow, I'm left with this bloated heart.
So, I'll keep writing,
hoping to keep the excess in check.  
Or at least it'll give it a workout.
Till it has something better to do.
Birthed from a line in a movie 'Must Love Dogs.'
She hurts herself, it's all she knows                                                            ­                                                                                              ­                                                   
the pain inside grows & grows                                                            ­           
                                                                ­                                                        
It runs too deep from head to toe                                                              ­      
                                                          ­                                                         
                                                                ­                                                
How do you stop the wind that blows?                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                     
Self-inflicted wounds, no relief in sight                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                           
Light the fuse on the dynamite                                                         ­                                                                 ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                      
She scars herself, but can't release the knife                                                            ­                                                
                                                                ­                                                  
Can't see the sun, it's always night                                                            ­                                           
 She cries & cradles her legs with her arms                             
                
Knows the enemy who does the most harm                                                      
                                                                ­                                                          You'd think that would set off alarms                                                           ­   
                                                             ­                                                 
Can't someone save her with their charms?                                                          ­                                                      
          ­                                                                 ­                                       
  She has never known the feeling of love                                          
                  ­                                                                 ­                         
Noone has held her high enough                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                       
Is there some way she can rise above                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                
  The self-destruction she's proof of
I wrote this in 2010, after a serious breakdown
I can feel the heat                              
                              ­                                                                           
 Coming from your fire                                    
                                                                  
my heart skips a beat                                                                          ­                                                       
  I am burning with desire                                                                        ­   
                                                                      ­                                                
    Put your hand in mine                                              
                                                                ­                                                           Come along with me                                                               
         ­                                                                 ­                                            
    As our fingers intertwine,                                                                                          ­                                                     
I can't even breathe                                                                   ­                                                      
I can smell your scent                                                                       ­                                                    
 It smells so good to me                                                                    ­                                                
You are heaven sent                                                                      ­                                               
This is meant to be                                                                    ­                                                  
Let me hold you near                                                             ­                                                                                                                          ­                                      
Feel your strong embrace                                                                                ­           
  Whisper in your ear                                                                         ­                                    
My breath on your face                                                                      ­                                  
Want to feel your touch       
                                                                                  ­                                    
  I crave your caress                                                                     ­                                                      
  I love you so much                                                             ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­              
     Will accept nothing less                                                                      ­                                             
   Want to taste your lips                                                                             ­                                                
   Run my hands over you                                                                    ­                                                
   How could I resist                                                                      ­                  
The fire inside you
I wrote this in 2011.It was a happy time for a short time.
The wind whispers softly to me                                                               ­                                    
                                                                ­                                            
 Telling me how my life could be                                                                  ­                                                    
 A story unrehearsed                                                                          ­                                               
Love in every verse                                                                    ­                                                   
Of two who overcome                                                                            ­                      
the odds to falling in  love                                                                          ­                             
Gentle breeze , tell me more                                                                         ­                                                  
Let me know what love is for                                                                                 ­                                                      
I listen quietly every day                                                                          ­                                   
To hear if love is on the way                                                                     ­                                    
Even leaves fall in pairs                                                                          ­                                                     
It seems that love is everywhere       
                                                                                                    
Everywhere but here with me                                                                            ­                                                     
all alone under this old tree                                                                                                                                                      ­   
The wind caresses my skin                                                                  ­                                                    
Where loving hands could have been                                                                    ­                                              
Why must I be all alone                                                            ­                                                                 ­                    
I want a love of my own
I wrote this in 1990..I am so happy I saved all of my poetry for all these years. It's like stepping back in time. I am finally ready & in a good place to let all of this be viewed.
I call you up to hear your voice                                                            ­                                                  
I know it's lame; I have no choice                                                    
   Now what am I supposed to do?                                                              ­                                              
   It's all that I have left of you                                                              ­                                                   
 I know that it has been years                                                            ­                                                  
  But despite crying many tears                                                            ­                                                  
  They've never stopped or healed                                                           ­                                           
  My broken heart & how it feels                                                            ­                                                  
  Since the day you didn't come home                                                             ­                                                
  I 've left your voicemail on the phone                                                            ­                                                                 ­       
Your things are how they were left                                                             ­                                                     
I haven't changed anything yet                                                              ­                                                   
    I just can't bring myself around                                                           ­                                               
 To the fact that you're in the ground                                                           ­                                       
Because I can feel you here with me                                                               ­                                              
 Exactly where I need you to be                                                               ­                                                     
   I have all the pictures you made                                                             ­                                                 
Been on the frig since second grade                                                            ­                                                  
   It's like you never went away                                                             ­                                           
  And I need it to stay that way                                                              ­                                         
 Your clothing still smells like you                                                              ­                                                   
I can't even clean your room                                                             ­                                                 
    I open the window each day                                                              ­                                               
 So, you can come in & play                                                             ­                                                 
  I still long to see your face                                                             ­                                                  
 I wish I could take your place                                                            ­                                              
  So young & carefree of heart                                                            ­                                                
Your passing tore me apart                                                            ­                                                
                                                                ­                                                    
It's something I can't accept                                                                      ­                                         Perhaps until my own death
I wrote this for my sister, when her 14-yr old daughter passed away.
Kenshō 2d
Loneliness for an introvert
Is like the sun peaking through the rain.

It creates so many beautiful rainbows,
For one to view through a window.

Somebody on the other side is
looking at the same rainbow.

But only
If I had someone to share
this with.
.
I was the candle—slow to die,
dripping warmth while you passed by.
Each flicker fed your cold disguise,
your smile a moon behind closed skies.

I poured myself, a quiet stream,
into the vessel of your dream.
While I carved altars from my skin,
you cast your net to pull them in.

Your words were velvet dipped in steel,
a soft deceit I couldn't feel—
not until the silence grew
roots where blossoms never knew.

You held me not with touch, but tether,
a maybe laced in fair-weather.
I danced in rooms I thought were ours,
while you were planting foreign flowers.

You didn’t break me with your no—
it was your wait, your whispered go.
The little looks, the secret sighs,
the way you watched the open skies.

You smiled as though your soul had stayed,
but all the while, you had gently fade.
A ghost still warm, still holding hands,
while building castles in other lands.

And when the truth came crashing in—
not sharp, but slow beneath the skin—
I saw I had been the hook you had laid,
baited bright, then cast away.

Oh, karma walks in bare, soft feet,
but leaves a trail no one can cheat.
She takes her time, she doesn’t shout,
but turns your games inside out.

So when your glass house meets the stone,
and all your masks are overthrown—
remember me, the flame you drained,
the love you used but never named.

Yet I—
I rise from ash and bitter song,
the fire was mine all along.
No longer bait. No longer chained.
A storm unhooked. A soul unfeigned.
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