Something is broken
in my life...
my hands can not fixed.
Something is broken
in my world..
my soul can not helped.
because I love..
because I kiss.
because I pray.
because I live that life..

I am trying hard..
Belive me..
Very hard..
every minute..
every hour..
every day ..
to love..

I know
My time is not enough..
I know
My pain is not enough..
I know
My love is not enough..

Yes that love .
forgotten love..
destructive love..
forbidden love..
Just love
is not enough
to fix it..
Why ???

it’s hard,
finding words that best describe
how to feel
how to tell.
nobody understands,
i talk in complicated ways,
making it hard for you to grasp onto me.
maybe it is the words i use
or perhaps, the words you’re unfamiliar with,
call me out for being out of context,
but the content i create communicates sense to me.
i tremble at the sight of people talking around me,
troubles me because everyone and everything i know has remained close to speaking ever so carelessly and loosely about me.
at this point, they receive pleasure from laughing, mocking and “getting” me,
they lie and reflect bitterness
is it jealousy or envy?
quick assumptions or savvy?
call me stupid, useless, or any other unnecessary comment that seems to compliment your currency,
but extraordinary is more suitable a trait,
than the look of disgrace placed on your face whenever your eyes meet mine.

you must know all my secrets
by now since you are in
my mind from the moment the
sun lights the flowers until
the moon illuminates the waters

thoughts feel clouded
but precious are they so

i should embrace them
like endless endearments
whispered in my ear
so pretty and sincere
making the cherries blossom near

yet when you are oceans away
why would i let this feeling stay?

I’ve heard people say it before
Just go with the flow
Just say no
My voice feels so small
But deep down I know I need to be heard
Yes, I am traumatized
I have a hard time saying no
But that does not mean I am all yeses
I have other cues waiting for you
My silence begs you to stop
When I freeze I just pray you won’t hurt me like he did
When I move your hand I wish you would embrace me in a hug
Instead of touching me where it hurts the most
If I change the subject I just want you to know I’m not ok
When I can’t stop talking I want to distract you
If you were good for me you’d notice I’m trying to say no
Im trying so hard but I am afraid
Why can’t you see that I am so scared to say no?

The world is a hard place
with hard people
carrying theirs around
like columns on their backs
making it even harder for
them to know
just how much the world has
broken in their rubble

And some revel in their ashes
And some build palaces
And some think it's just fantastic
And some go on helping others
knocking weight off their backs

But never let someone fall so low
that they sharpen the edges of our trash
As the world is already a hardened place
Then why should I be so?

I want to be confident but I dont know how.
Men have never told me I was beautiful.
They’ve never shown me I’m worth while just being me
I've always struggled with my self image. Constantly gaining and losing 20 pounds
I thought I had finally found a boy who genuinely thought I was beautiful
But boy was I WRONG! 

At 120 pounds my boyfriend called me fat when I was on top during ***
I rolled over and cried feeling so insecure
He just continued to **** me. Telling me I looked like a cow
He continued to degraded me whenever we had ***
This continued for weeks.
At 120 pound the same boy chose to slap me across the face so hard I fell to my knees.
Apparently telling him I had been ***** last week was somehow my fault.
To him I was now fat and disgusting
I started to believe him so I just let him beat me down.
At 110 pounds I was still too fat and he said I was disgusting to look at
He told everyone I was a ***** and broke up with me.
Now I can’t let a man see me naked without wanting to cry
I can’t look at myself in the mirror without hearing his words
And I sure as hell don't have enough confidence to stand up for myself