So why does my eye only see
in front of me,
why can't I see the horizon so
lovely,
why must it always be this way,
Oh my muse I wish you would
leave me soon,
for my life cannot sustain under your marvelous presence,
you're always on my mind,
the reason for my educational
decline,
still I love you,
even if I must leave you,
even if this is a way to indulge you

After you left
Cigarettes were the best treatment for hang over kisses
Liquor to drown the butterflies in my stomach
               I'd rather stay with my bad habits
      Than being good to the person
                Who never loved you

I ran crying the last 2 miles.
When i did sports, i always smiled.
My team never made me sad.
When i lost at sports, i'd just quit the game.

It didn't feel bad.

I can't just quit when i run. I have to go on.
Push my limits.
I do it for fun.
Screaming every step i cry,
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::.

the pain we choose
yields the reward we desire

the process we embrace
yields the lives we dream

the journey we walk
yields the destination we seek

what are you willing
to struggle for?

A rush of blood to the head
The excitement of dread
Why
Do we yearn for the reasons we bled?

To be free from reality
Can't see your mortality
It's no surprise
The devil loves hospitality

Desperate eyes watch him slide through the door
Invite him in for reasons you choose to ignore
Let him tear up the carpet
The curtains
The floor

That was the last time

Every time
You swore

I lay my foot here
On the traces of the side
And follow the floor
As if it is a guide.
It's sort of a game
I like to play with the stone
Whenever I am walking alone.
Maybe they see me
Skipping always twice
And following the sidewalk
In a strange zigzag
But maybe they don't mind.

I seem to lean
into my shadows, failures and faults.
That ***** too natural
and my downward leaning too easy.

What darkness have I learned?
What sullen seed has
merged into the deeper passages
to transform
into thorns?

Is it my repeated stumblings
or the sin of another
inflicted early
but now forgotten?
Maybe it’s so terrible
my mind has stashed it way way down
now a fungus still alive in the dark?

I feel too at home
dwelling in that cave
and I am in need,
I am sorely in need
of light,
enough lasting exposure
to **** the blight
scorch the itch
and set me leaning
into an upward pitch
to thwart the dark

proclivities.