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I told my mother
I'll stop drinking if dad comes back home

And it has been a year since I slept without drowning myself
with alcohol
My eyes hurt whenever I see what they have in their hands
It seems the treasures they have glow more than mine
If I could take what they have maybe I won't whine or demand
For my mother told me a boy should never be envious in life

As I was getting taller my resentment grew stronger and louder,
"I want to have what they want! They have the cleanest of luxury"
I was never raised to grasp rubies so I begrudge men with power
Whenever I want something they refused, so I grew up with envy

Now my hands can afford diamonds like everybody else
the satisfaction that I felt was all I yearned for these years
Looking back to where accessories were considered wealth
Senseless for me to think that not having earthly desires is what I fear

Now if ever I pass by an alley and a kid looks at me with jealousy
Three words to change his look, "Here's a candy"
So he could see that happiness shines more than jewelry
To the kids who were not given anything when they were young
you know what it feels like
When will I stop calling you whenever I'm drunk?
It feels like the alcohol over flows my mind
As if I'm pretending not to miss you
whenever there's no alcohol in the table
but forgotten memories begin to appear
in a bottoms up
I yearned for you once more
Drink moderately
I'm going to be a father
Yet my heart does not comprehend
      My youth faded earlier
my shoulders grew heavier each day

As I handle the weight, she handled-more...
I was too young
So I lust over different women
They gave me a taste of what was lost..
But I forgot what will I even gain for
                  temporary pleasure

As I looked her in the eye I saw the
       broken songs we once sung
Her voice cracked like it was too much
                  for her to speak
The hatred she held for me for being a
                             misfit

But God I was too crazy for my youth
       I forgot she was preparing for -  
                       our future
I'm sick of taking flights to see these other girls swear to God I'm gonna change
Tell me you love me
and let this heart rest from the past
   as long as your tongue spills the truth
            I can take love a one last shot


          See through the smiles
              Let yourself be swallowed by my voice
                  if you found the flaw within these eyes
                       then I'll echo your name in my room
                                 so if you leave
                                     my heart will go with you
I woke up with an empty heart and mouthful of words
  waiting for you to come back
      and tell me once more  
           that your heart still latching on my name

Without a glimpse of reality
    I indulged with the fantasy of you and I
        hoping my dreams will match yours
        
At the last road to our chapter
   I found you once again
       you smiled at me like it was the first
             but love ended and said our one last goodbye
Cant keep going
Overthinking
Makes me feel sick
Especially the thoughts of you

Be safe
Always smile
Choose the right one this time
Keep him
Take me back
not to undo my scars
but to learn more about myself
How to carry my own burden
to drown my sickness
before it drowns me

I wish I could go back
and redirect my life
back to when living was basic
and math was the only problem
with a solution
****** up
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