The night is dark,
Darker than usual,
The truth is beckoning right in front of me
And I can't stay without acknowledging it,
I try to get drank,
I try to get lost in my dreams
I try to get some light
Only to keep hold of you in my heart
But nothing seems to work
Even though I knew everything was a lie,
I still chose to search for that ray of hope
Which I know I will never get.
Falling for you was never in my life script,
But now I can't see myself coming up to the surface,
Only love can save me now.
But who's love?

A passing moment
So powerful
You simply want them to come back.
While feet slip by
And hearts wander farther away

I see your soul.
A barren strain isn’t hard to examine.
I know the flatline and dead mindlessness
that comes as a sand storm sweeps.
I know those aches and groans.

I’ve sat by the colorless windows
of a gloomy city, seeing nothing but strangers
with indifferent eyes.
I’ve walked these streets feeling the laughter
vibrate but never entering this gray soul.

I’ve bought all the whisky to drown out
the fluorescent lights of love blooming
in the new year.
Grabbed book after book
in hopes to fill the gaps and dents in me.
There might be a cure
but don’t find it in someone else.

For those tropical storms can carry
them away and leave you to wallow
alone like a tape on replay.

So run.
Go far and leave this town.
Run from your life.
Travel.
Eat.
And pray.

Then maybe you can love and blossom
in the lights for the choices taken
by a wandering soul.

Fit to nothing but feel everything.
For life is too short to sit- read- drink-
and feel the burn of salt on your cheeks.

Sincerely yours,

Wanda

I’m chasing the sunset,
passing through colored blankets,
Gazing as mountains pass
me by
and water
gleams down bellow
My heart cries
as I think
of my golden fields
and violet blossoms
Light is reflected in
my eyes as I watch
time float
The sun burns the
hue of my blood
So many seasons have
come and gone in my
absence
everything has changed
and I drift on
awaiting your arms
the smell of pine
the feel of the river
on my skin
the color of the fading
day
the curve and
twists of the hills
I call home

My breath fogs as I watch
myself
come home

I can't remember the last time that I was actually happy. Not the fleeting happiness of a funny joke or a cute animal, but deeply and utterly satisfied with my life.

Was it the warm nights in Spain that I spent dancing through the streets. Smile never far from my lips and the smell of ***** and freedom drifting through the air? Was it the rush of running through my new found apartment with the hopes and promises of being better academically and socially? Was it the night of Halloween when we first cuddled up by the campfire tipsy and falling in love? You telling me I deserved better than second place and promises of forever sweet treatment.

My head now swarms with fear and uncertainty. What is happiness. Where do I find it? Who am I and why do I feel like I am empty and out of control? These loud thoughts swirling in my head taking over control. Pressure building to extreme levels where that little voice tells me that the world is better off without me screams into my sad and scared void. Emptiness. When did you become so close to me.

As I lay in bed next to the man I thought I was going to spend my whole life with I don't even know where I stand. The fear of screaming and agitation at my actions or malfunctioning technology. The fear of an argument following closely behind any statement or conversation. Second place. Fun activities alone. Possible physical altercation. Where do I stand? I have lost control. I have lost myself... but I still have no idea where I stand.