it is a matter of being touched
by this freedom-heavy sunrise,
a matter of feeling like a blossom
exploding into the smallest quiet pieces
that melt into this velvet blue moment
in the universe and—

I don't want to wipe this dreaming
from my eyes

PorcelainTears [Anna-Maria]
November 29, 2020

if you love me
why am i lonely?

E m p t y
   m p t y
   m    t

    -

I see butterflies in the sky
I see the trees sway
And the birds fly
And I wonder,
Could it be my time
Is this my moment
Is this a sign from the devine?

I wait and wait and wait
I wait to the point that I may lose hope
I was never meant for this moment
Was I never meant for this world?

But this maudlin feeling hovers over me
Feeding the doubt in my mind
Filling me with shame
Straight into my heart

But feelings come and feelings go
There’s no perfect moment
In this perfect world

So let’s dance under the dim lights
No time for moonlights
No time for limelights
Enough with the perfect moments
Fabricated at the expense
Of living our lives
Don’t miss that moment
Wishing for the stars to align
Somehow things will work out
And if they don’t
At least we tried
But forevermore we’ll know
We are all meant for this world

Here comes the moment
And now, all it goes
In the façade of nothingness
All I'm now is numb,
Feeling light, feeling hefty.
And now, all it goes
In the façade of nothingness.

and i think
i'm just so tired
of being sad
but it's something
there's no sense in
hurrying

the process of
yearning, of unlearning

there is so much
emotional labor
that goes into
forgetting

all of the good
the bright, the beautiful
before the terrible
the painful, the ugly

the feeling
you used to get
when you looked
into their eyes

and it hasn't been there
in months, maybe years

but you're chasing the high
because you're afraid
the memory
is all you have left of it

remembering
what it felt like
when you weren't
pretending
everything was
alright