It’s all Choreography, you see,
How I know just what to say,
How I smile at your life,
My enthusiasm about your new boo.
Don’t worry,
Don’t worry,
Don’t worry your perfect little head,
About my loss,
About my body,
About my hair.

It’s all Choreography, you see,
I’ll probably tell you about the one good day,
Some award I won for being nice,
And spew some pseudo-intelligent *******
But I know
Oh, I know
I know all too well you’ll see through me

It’s all Choreography, you see,
I’ve been training since I was five,
It’s meticulously planned
And executed flawlessly as
Warm hugs, laughs, kind eyes and sweet, sweet words.

It’s all Choreography, I know
I’d rather do this,
Because,
I dance alone anyway!

Apart from your mother…

Only insurance companies
pray you live forever
no crashes, no coughs,
no inconvenient surprises.

They pray for your safety
with more sincerity
than your friends ever did.

No backhanded compliments,
no masked resentment.

They’ll cheer for your success
as long as it’s mild.
Celebrate your fitness
but not too wild.

I feel alone
in my own shell:
playing pretend,
with my smile laid out on a shelf.
I’ll study grinns until they fit my heart.
And they cover it with blinding light.
Because the darkness
became a treasure I shall only see.
I let no one grasp it,
no one touches my true self.
No wonder I feel alone
when I don’t let anyone see myself.

I hate it when people look behind bright smiles;
when they look at the underpainting of my heart
and find that there’s nothing behind my laughter
but empty white that lacks dream or purpose
and was only born to remain hidden.

The silver shore is calling me
A restless moon upon the sea
Your voice is waves against the stone
But I am drifting all alone
The lighthouse hums a mournful tune
It sings of love and dies too soon
I reach for you, a beauty glow
But tides will take what tides must know
Set my heart upon your sail
A lantern in the howling gale
Let love be wind, let love be sky
Without your touch the stars run dry
So hold me close before the tide
Before the dawn can cast me wide
For love is fleeting, wild and deep
A sailor lost, a dreamers leap.

I’ve
been standing for way too long
My legs
wobble and itch
For me
to move
  
My next
word shall tell a story
Of how
much I’ve faked
Of how
much I’ve pruned
  
My
father stands aside the altar
My
Husband in touch
Crying
tears of joy
  
How he’s
wanted me to be “normal”
I raise
my chin as I walk forward
I wonder
if my husband knows
  
The white
lacy dress dragging on the floor
The
white roses hiding
Their
thorns under my clasped hands
  
I look
to my right and there she stands
My lover
and bridesmaid
Watching
as I get married to another