Don’t let me wake up.

Dear God,

Just don’t let me get up.

As my blood pours from my arms

Just tell me,

Will this be enough?

Will this be able to end my wake?

Keep my eyes from opening

Day after day?

Doom me to an everlasting sleep

From all these cuts that are all so deep

I sleep.

The sheets of my bed

Are drenched in red

And I dream that soon

I shall be dead.

As I take the first step outside,  I can't help but to begin to wonder all the memories we shared.
The endless night that saw no day light... just the stars and the moon.
Stories about your family and you.
Memories of laughs we've shared.
The experiences we went thru.
You've introduced me to my trouble self.
Blindness days , But it wasn't me.
I've had dreams of becoming more in life than just a house wife.
I wanted to help people from all over the world .
I want humanity to become humanized.
I saw a huge vision for our world.
I always knew I will never be able to make that happen with you.
I get it now, and I know understand these memories.
And I thank you for the lessons we studied together.
And I wish you the best with this life.
I hope you find a wife who would give you a family, because I have a different destiny waiting for me.

The love I have for you is both astounding and inspiring
And for that reason I doubt it at times
Is this really real?

Do I only want you even more because you're gone?

Why am I still smiling at every little thing you do?
Why am I still falling more and more in love with you?
How am I doing this?
More importantly,
How are you doing this to me?

Two people touch,
their lips first brush…
bodies softly sway
in a give and take ballet.

Two people kiss
in a world sublime,
They feel the bliss
beyond the edge of time.

Lovers merge
in tentative embrace…
Then a breathless surge
to an endless space.

Sometimes, I wonder
Is reality real?
Is reality a dream?
Perhaps, with a turn of the wheel
A fantasy it may seem

We wake up
We live
We go back to sleep
Endless and passive
If it were real
Such monotony surely will seep
Through the bars of life
And reality will drain away

Leaving nothing
But an empty dream to sway

I see before me and ocean of hurt
throngs of drowning people.
Their hearts like millstones heavy
sinking into the depths.
I close my eyes to shut them out
yet the memory never leaves.
In their eyes looms a darkness
a twisted lot of shattered light.

So much loss for those to bare
the weary travelers trudge on and on
In so much darkness
we begin to forget our sight.

We lose our bearings,
we drift off course,
we flee the field,
and forsake our honor.
We shame ourselves
hiding,
cowering in the dark.

To where will this life lead
and what will it make of us?
When will the glass ships come
and where will they take us?

I see before me an endless ocean
an ocean of deep blue eyes
Vast as a heathen horde
and greater then the bluest skies.

I see the mountains crumbling
the heavens releasing their fury.
The stars falling in lines
the waters rising in waves.

The flight of the song birds
the night of the wylde.

And all through the storm
through the hurricane of steep misery,
past the edge of the knife
and the end of the rope.
The last gleam of sunlight
and the final sliver of hope.
I can see the ocean
the deep blue ocean.

It is an ocean
An ocean of misery.

Burning like fire
raging inside.
Storming the breach,
torching it all.

Forget the love
forget your face.
Forsake your heart
leave it behind
and tear it apart.

The crossroads of mortality
the fork in the road.

The reason of life
the cause of death.
The fang of the snake
the jaw of the beast.
The grip of hatred
the sting of desire.

Higher it goes
up, up, up.
Higher and higher
up, up, up.

Stinking, rotting filthy decay
Filthy piles stacked,
up ,up, up,

The heights of sin
the glory of the well done deeds.

The ruin
the fall.
The rise
the run.

Up, up, up.

Farther then before.
More and more.
Farther still
to break, your will.


Farther then life,
quicker then the last breath.
Faster than your end,
horrid as your final hour.

Your heart beating faster
then twin turbine engines.
You explode in a million and one pieces.

You fall face down
amidst the broken shattered life,
that once belonged to you.

Goodbye, goodbye
the angels cry.
As you ascend into eternity
up, up, up.

Up, up, up
as you fly into eternity,
as you fall into the endless.

I see it every night in my head
The lives I ended , the blood I shed
I see myself standing with a knife
And a woman begging me to spare her life
The woman's eyes are filled with tears
The look on her face feels like a thousand spears
I see the cruel smile on my face
A face with no sign of grace
"Spare her life " my soul cries
The cries are in vain for she always dies
I see this every night in my head
Is this my punishment for all the blood I shed?


Abdelrahman Magdy