My dear, I am writing you from the depths of my solitude, to ease your worried heart and mind. Loneliness has been gnawing at my terrified flesh as of late. Yet, my only wish is to remain alone. Unseen and untouched. I think this is pure joy, or the illusion of it. But I am content at this very moment. I promise.

You might think that I am slowly sinking. That I will soon reach the bottom of the ocean, and you fear it is too dark and solitary there. That I might not survive my own madness— not this time, not by myself. That I cannot swim nor do I intend to learn how to. That I willingly gave my body to Poseidon as a peace offering. That I finally made my peace— not with God, but with a god nonetheless. That I am all swallowed up. That I will not see you again. That I will die lamenting your forgotten smile. That Azrael, the angel of death, weeps over my doom. That I have died long ago—
But how can a corpse feel such emotions?
How do I tell my stubborn heart that it is not beating for you any longer?
How do I comfort my frantic soul by lulling it to an eternal sleep?
—And if so then tell me, my dearest one, don’t I deserve serenity, too? After burning for a decade, yearning for a safe haven. Do you think I finally deserve to rest?

Its terrifying here
The kind of cold that makes your bones ache
Is this hell?
Is this some kind of agony?
Am I still drowning?
They say that drowning is horrible if you hold your breath
But if you give up and inhale the water
You get some kind of relief
Your brain is starved of oxygen
Your lungs fill to full capacity
Why does it feel so tempting?
The salt water stings your eyes
There's nothing left to hope for
Nothing left to breathe
You can pray to god
Or you can curse him for a remedy
But you still drown
And your body sinks
There's no fighting it
You are drowning
Just as you've always been

I tell her how
how I drown
in the sparkle
of your brown eyes
and
I tell her
how I think
I think im
falling
for
you
like an asteroid
plummeting
towards
earth

she listens and
she tells me
about her sun
and how she
drowns in his light,
about
their star crossed
love
and
how they can
never
be
together

I guess
you're the sun
and I
im the moon

i am trapped.
glued to the floor.
quicksand around my ankles.
enveloping my lungs.
can’t breathe.
can’t stop.
dragging me down to the depths.
the depths of inescapable nightmares.
tumbling.
sinking.
begging.
screaming ****** ******.
sand filling my throat.
scratching my esophagus so roughly.
clawing at my sensitive skin.
scraping my neck.
open wounds.
hourglass specks falling on top of me.
quicksand pulling me under.
can’t think.
can’t breathe.
arms reaching for anything.
branches, safety—more sand.
bubbling stomach with layers of salty sand.
pleading.
suffocated by the dust.
head underneath.
engulfed by the vicious sand.
gone.

Something in the atmosphere

I can smell it

I lie to everyone

“I’m doing well”

We talk about the weather.

Desperate efforts are made

To keep strong the dam.

To stay calm, to

Keep the river from overflowing.

It is, anyway, overflowing.

I will flood the space around me

You will all drown as I drown.

It’s like the only time I can see outside of this hole
Is when I’m trying to make sure others don’t see
That I’m digging it deeper
And
Deeper
And
Deeper
And falling
Further
And
Further
And
Further
Until I can’t get out

tears,
how many more can i spill?
tears,
maybe im better off drowning in them.

You've left me here
In pools of honey and vanilla
Dreaming of London fog
Holding onto chamomile evenings
With every last breath
Orange pekoe on my tongue
Thoughts of you like jasmine flowers
Warm water and green tea
Something hibiscus and peach
Floating like little worlds
Surrounding me as I drown
In this romanticized life
Watching you swirl your spoon
In everything
We said
Was not our cup of tea