I am used to this behavior
Can handle it most of the time
Blame it on your addiction
Excuse each careless crime

Consumed by selfish desires
Try our hardest to succeed
We don't seem to be capable
Of being what the other one needs

Don't want to spend my life
Chasing after half-hearted attention
Had enough of secretive ways
Living in continuous suspension

Empty days filled with lies
Make me question everything
The sky knows you better than I do
How real is your flimsy suffering?

Feel this is all a game
It is wrong to play my heart
You are apart from me the majority of the time
The one emotionless from the start

You swear I am the one
Argue the point you love me more
There are times you treat me like
Just another dope *****

Know you care for me deeply
Can feel it when we kiss
I know from experience you'll find
Someone to provide temporary bliss

Wish my face consumed your thoughts
Wish I was what you longed for the most
The one thing that will always come first
Ahead of me; your next dose

You assure I am all you want and more
Why do you talk to other girls?
Is it because you sell them ****?
Or are they prettier with hair that curls?

Each time I feel used and neglected
Blame it on your habit
Tumbling down a dark endless hole
Following a cursed white rabbit

What if it isn't the drugs
Causing your interest to fade out?
I need to accept your priorities
I will never be what you care more about

I grew out my beard.
I grew out my stomach.
My ears ring randomly.  
My eyes see things differently.
I speak or say less.  I move in silence.
I sleep in when I want.
I haven't touched razors since my return
nor rifles since the field ops.
I've grown in maturity mentally.
I've grown insensitive verbally.
I've grown to miss the uniform
and pride of belonging in a brotherhood;
I miss my extended family.
I miss the people, not the troubles.
I miss the gym, where others alike
flexed invisible muscles.
My days once had routine,
pattern, structure and rhythm.
Weekends full of workouts, worship, and beer.
Weeks full of work, blood, sweat, and tears.
I've grown in experience.
I've regained freedom as a civilian.
But the transition has been a grueling process.
Yet, I've grown to be grateful nonetheless,
as not everyone gets to go back "home" ...
(remember the fallen) ...
However, if I'm honest, I don't think there's ever
an actual adjustment...
[I'm growing]

CHANGE OBLIGATIONS
"SHOULD"
INTO OPPORTUNITIES
"COULD"

I didn't
get to say
goodbye :(

You don't
know
what it's like

I know,
I was
there
before

YOU TOLD ME
YOU LOVED ME