The stars blinked out one by one,
and for a second, I thought I had won.
You always said I needed too much,
that the world owed me nothing.

But I wanted the debt anyway—
wanted it piled high enough
to scrape the edge of the moon.
I wanted the universe to notice
how I stayed up nights,
bartering my breath for forgiveness
and my spine for love.

I thought the quiet was mine to keep.
I thought I had tamed it—
a wild joy, caged
in the ruins of what we built.

I bartered with silence,
traded my dreams for detours,
hoping to bend the night into something
I could swallow whole—
but it swallowed me first.

The dark wasn’t empty.
It was you—sharp as every breath
I tried to hold, under a sky
too proud to care if I fell beneath it.

And the stars?
They just didn’t want to watch anymore.

The night feels cold once more-
A blizzard through the mist,
Freezing every lonely soul.

I’m here,
A victim of the dark,
Shivering under my blankets,
With my eyes fixated above-
A never-ending darkness
Filled with shining stars,
A guiding light to something bigger,
And that is you-
Reflective light shining above me.

No matter how bright you shine,
Your beauty is seen but untouchable-
A fish in the deep black,
Nearly impossible to catch.

Still laying here,
Shivering under my blankets.
Music in my head,
my only companion-
A fireplace in the middle of this forest of devastation,
A place where shadows lure me out of comfort

Following me with a familiar tune,
something like this:
“Such a lonely night,
And it’s mine
It’s a night
I’m glad I survived.”

Witnessing the change of nature now,
We will soon meet again,
O Queen of the darkness-
Torture of us outcasts,

When will the night
Feel warm again?
For the answer,
I’ll wait.

I heard the darkness was freeing – for in it you cannot see your
mistakes; and would I be wrong to assume that’s where *******
children are made?

I heard the darkness was freeing – that even if you looked at your
ugly reflection, that part of yourself would always seem so far
away…

       The dark, can be uncomfortable – sometimes; but also warming
   in your worst times – all you can do is withstand the slow erosion
of your happier memories; the darkness has seen me bare; it has
cradled my tears, and for a fleeting moment, it made me feel loved,
only to turn its back and betray.

I heard the darkness was freeing – for when you felt like nothing,
you could be a peaceful nothing in this endless nothing place

I heard the darkness was freeing – it grants me a semblance of
acceptance, allowing me to revel in the very things that bring me
shame – oh, how I ought to flee from this place, yet it soothes the
burdens of the day.

Overwhelming thoughts and feelings,
Spiraling down a deep, dark hole.
I can’t breathe—I just keep reeling,
Haunted by the places I’ve lost control.

Every step feels like a mistake,
A path of ruin I can’t escape.
Friendships hollow, love a lie,
No one sees the pain I hide.
I cannot breathe, I cannot be—
What’s so deeply wrong with me?

For a moment, I’m fine, the storm recedes,
But the calm is fleeting, and chaos breeds.
The weight crashes down; I can’t bear the sound,
A tidal wave pulling me deeper to drown.
I know I’m broken, but why like this?
These sudden storms leave me breathless.

My heart is a horse on a racetrack,
Thundering, pounding, faster, faster.
No winner in this endless chase—
Just relentless thoughts, quickening pace.
“Are you okay?” they ask; I nod,
Hiding the battle, a perfect facade.
“It’s just a headache,” I quietly lie,
While inside, I fail and cry.

I try to focus, try to breathe,
But the darkness whispers, “You’ll never leave.”
Every effort feels destined to fail,
A silent scream in an endless gale.

Shrouded in this mystical darkness
The tenderness of fog a good company
The winter silence reinventing its language
The inception of tears suspended
How wonderful to love everything as it is
Like trees love the patience of earth

The beams of light are

extinguished by the dense rain --


and there's no hissing.

I sweat through nightmares,
Clenching the sheets.
In between reality,
And bitter dreams.
How much longer can I fall?
When will I wake up?
I'm giving it all my strength,
But that's all I've got.
No one is scared of heights,
They're scared of falling from them.
Ex. You aren't scared when you look at a tower,
But you're scared when you're at the top.
Legs shaking,
Threating to give out.
Good thing the ground,
Always comes eventually.

I couldn’t share my life with you,
So in dreams, I sought you too.
But even there, all I found was endless blue.

No light, no path, no hope in sight,
Just shadows in the endless night.
If not in life, nor dreams, then where?
I still search for you silently in dispair

I searched for you in the quiet rain,
Each drop a whisper of your name.
The skies wept soft, but still, in vain,
Their tears left nothing but empty flame.

I sought you beneath the crescent glow,
The moon a beacon for the lost.
Its light unveiled only shadows below,
A silver path I dared to cross.

I called for you where the wild winds roared,
Their voice like yours, but hollow, untrue.
They led me to places my heart ignored,
But never to the heart of you.

Through every void, I still pursue,
Each step a prayer, each breath a plea.
For even if all paths undo,
I’ll search through all eternity.

when you feel
bitterness       l i n g e ring
at the back
                of the throat,
let it burn  s l o w l y

            like a dancing flame

rising from
                 beneath  
                               you

where the sharpest edge
meets a     r   g   n   s   a
                    a    i   g    e  

with the strength

           of a feather
balancing           lightly
upon an ostrich's back:

d
    i
      v
         e
    into
    black waters

for light
          is here
                too,

           so       come back
           to your home
       and sing your song

from
the damp
        dark
exquisite
roots

of your being.