I've seen enough of this place
all I want is home
I am done debating theories
of heaven
so tired of this hell
some hope has kept me waiting
it's time to break it's spell

Unless, you sing your song again
how many times have I come around after listening to your sound...?

It's been going on for a decade now.

Drained tears on your face
Will remain unseen
Their story unheard
Throat closed
And then
Everyone will go on with their work
Even you and your shattered body
Listen to that mind of ours
Darkest part of your soul

I will begin at my life's end,
Since, I would like to arrive faster.
Correction universe! Depart sooner.
You heard me now, at the times end,
I feel, I have experienced everything,
From then, now and after.
For a decade or more, I felt like going,
Away from life's simplicity ,
Till I got on the fast lane,
Drove myself to madness,
To the worlds end, much sooner.
Complicated and confused,
Disillusioned and petrified,
I have managed to complicate ,
The movement of time to faster.
My cosmic reality from freedom,
Got switched on to *******,
At lightspeed, in a place much darker!
Freedom from this physical self,
An escape from life is what I seek.
I know this is not the right way ,
But to end this pain, it's faster !

~blissfulnobody
(not so blissed out:)

They say that in order to truly hate someone
There had to be a lot of love there to begin with
And I think about the times you would sing to me in the car
How we would dance in the kitchen while cooking dinner
All the times I'd fall asleep with your hand stroking my hair
Those moments were tender and felt so real
But how is it love when you scream in my face
When your words drip venom and your fists are clenched
Love is not violent
Love does not breed hate
I don't know how you can separate the tenderness and the poison
How do I wrestle with two realities at the same time
I struggle often with my own guilt
I never wanted to hurt you
How do you sleep at night
With the memory of your hands around my throat
How were they the same hands that tussled my hair at night
The same hands that cupped my sweaty face after birth
The same hands that softly grip our daughter's
In case you're wondering I can't sleep at all
Some say we become obsessed with our abuser
How can we not
Survival mode does crazy things to our minds
I'm tired of the madness

Tonight I stayed at work until 7:00.
It was dark when I locked the front doors.
Winter approaches again, soon the great coat
huddled like a rug around me. The streets
were active as usual, block residents
hanging out front steps. I said goodnight
to Nydian Figueroa, after school counselor.
I bought a beer at the deli on Third Ave.
from the Arab owner. He’s a bit upset about
the bottle bill.
                          Collecting bottles from small groceries
could be a useful youth employment enterprise.
I walked down Fifth along the park in the dark
drinking my beer and looking at women. I need
a good **** badly. I tried to decide whether
to go to the movies, a Hopi film Howard recommended,
or just go home, watch tv and light a candle.
Maybe I’d meet someone at the film.
                                                                  Can I handle
the malady of going home tonight? If I die,
I die alone.
                      I turned west toward the subway
past the museum, through the park.
I can’t look at the myriad lights in buildings
large enough to hold a small town. It increases
my anxiety and anonymity to the breaking point.
I hoped to be mugged, for the human contact.
Two big guys looked me over, but I lowered
my center of gravity and they passed quietly. Survival
feels fine, proves I am alive.
                                                   The white pines
in this corner of the park hold a cool, earthy air
reminding me of coming winter, that mortality is
restful, of the black bear and swollen river I saw
500 miles away and only one day ago.

Dream, tell me
what have you heard
from the gossiping stars?
did they let my wishes
fall into the hands
of hummingbird nests?
did the quiet ocean blue
bring waves of things untrue?
Were you deceived by piano keys
lingering songs & eulogies?
Does the sun cleanse your lethargy
or are you like me?
Where it never reaches you in time
before everything fades to a quiet dark
tell me, Dream.

from old unchanging darkly grasped
in story unfolding and the yet untold
but ear strays and heart schemes
the old unheard and story unchanging