I liked us better
When we didn't speak
When our hate was silent
And I could hate in peace
Now words sprout from your lips
Like mold and dicease
Call it my fault for asking
How have you been?

Taking the bus to work
Beside the most tense man
Telling myself to look out the rainy window
And focus on my future
Ordering my mind to become what it should become

Independence Day happened a day before
The rain affects nothing in my country
Always a smile or a laughing worker
In a bright tie dyed tshirt
Underneath the gray colored sky
He brightens the world around him
That is the way the day is made
By your mere existence
Selecting your emotions
Carefully dancing your smiles
My tea in my hands
Warms me
My countrymen
Warms my heart
Lowering my head into a nodding rest
I smile as I wake

Hey, I’m back
From floating in the depths
Of my imagination
Still walking through this life

To that final destination
Still picking up my shattered pride
Still learning to change elements 

To make myself feel better

I fight my insecurities, daily.
Depression comes creeping in, Daily
I fight through these mixed emotions, Daily
I crack a smile and jokes just to cope, daily

If this is our reality
Need to celebrate individuality
And all that we hide inside

Let it out,
Picture it in a frame, to display

This is just a story
Of struggles that we face every day
And that’s okay
Sometimes moments don’t go our way
But all these little things
Are the way we are made
It’s our personalities we convey
This is what makes us who we are.

People I don’t even know judge me, daily
Rumours fluctuate about me, daily
I fight my constant fears of failing, daily
I’ve been pushing myself to places
I thought I would never go, daily
I reminisce and simmer in memories of better days, daily
I dream I could be doing better things in life, daily
I’m stuck in all my typical ways of thinking, daily

If this is our reality
Need to celebrate individuality
And all that we hide inside

Let it out,
Picture it in a frame, to display

This is just a story
Of struggles that we face every day
And that’s okay
Sometimes moments don’t go our way
But all these little things
Are the way we are made
It’s our personalities we convey
This is what makes us who we are.

I still get jealous, daily
Can’t help thinking
how I could have been a better man
then who you’re with now...daily
Still, flow through ideas,
of all the things we could have been, daily
Still crosses my mind
All the ways that I’ve let people down, daily
Still shake, still tremble, still scared
I’ll never be good enough, daily
Still fear rejection, daily
Still waking up, daily

If this is our reality
Need to celebrate individuality
And all that we hide inside

Let it out,
Picture it in a frame, to display

This is just a story
Of struggles that we face every day
And that’s okay
Sometimes moments don’t go our way
But all these little things
Are the way we are made
It’s our personalities we convey
This is what makes us who we are.

I can be the one who tells you,
You’re looking beautiful, daily.
I can be the one who opens you up
To feel real love, daily.
I’ll be the one who’ll make you smile daily.
I still find good moments in bad days, daily.
We can fight our fears bravely, daily
I can give you hope, daily
I can shine a little light I hold inside, daily
I still write lines, daily
I promise I’ll strive to be,
The best me I can be, daily.

If this is our reality
Need to celebrate individuality
And all that we hide inside

Let it out,
Picture it in a frame, to display

This is just a story
Of struggles that we face every day
And that’s okay
Sometimes moments don’t go our way
But all these little things
Are the way we are made
It’s our personalities we convey
This is what makes us who we are.

©2018 Written By Benji James

Not with a smile spread across my lips
Or an energetic laugh
Making my two friends holler with joy
As I spill out a witty remark.

But rather
With downcast eyes
Glaring at the shadowed pavement
Hoodie dangling from my shoulder
Stack of binders desperately trying to slip from my grip.
The moon beginning to make its descend
Behind the towering bus stop
Teenagers huddling around each other
Whispering into the muggy dawn.

My brain fuddling with sleep deprivation
I was always exhausted
Nothing satisfied my body  
Not the ambitions
Pumping in my veins
Strolling down the bustling streets
Of the city that never sleeps
Committed to land a position
As a front page writer
For the New York Times.

This routine of waiting
For a dream so far out of my reach
Is monotonous.
A cycle I can't quit
Even if I was granted the choice

If I'm a ****,
it's because I let society
**** me on the daily.

The fire fills the wood
It's orange embers glowing-
summer smells so good.

Do you hear
A teeny bit of uneasiness.

The sun still as ravishing as usual
Stretching out my stubborn hand
Oblivious to the unattainable distance

Sitting on the bus as I wrote
Pulsing to the beat of the on boarding passengers
Thoughts wandered off many a time

Agitation might fit in the verse
Staring at the pigmented liquid interrupted by insensitivity

Perhaps just another routined day
The water is still
Yet, runs deep
Initiating an elusive equation

Relatively Unknown