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Pao Sep 2020
we've been here before
tongues tied
blank stares
you always stare back at me
with no gleam in your eyes

i've been trying to align my chakras
finally putting my wisdom where my mouth is
i don't think i can do this anymore

back and forth
running from you
running back to you

i will always find you wherever i run
to west palm
to the warm sunset
to the soft crashing of ocean waves
to the yellow flowers i see by nameless corner stores
to the rain during spring and fall

i can't hold back
let me go and i'll let you go
Pao Jun 2020
sweat dripping from my thighs
grey tank glued on me
i still got you on my mind
the world ending right before my eyes
murders crying wolf
my generation getting gassed and kidnapped
in the streets of LA, MIA, NYC, BA, CIN
drowning my days with tyler, the creator
humming to me
hoping to feel something
the way you used to make me feel
when we parted ways until our next life time

politicians hungry to violate civil rights
black, brown, trans
manifesting it in their dreams
they have it written in human blood
without a mask on to shield them
from the disease that is their greed

my perception jaded
my thoughts paralyzed
my body aching
might hit that pen
can’t even pick up a pen
having more time than my 20 years of existence
Pao Mar 2020
i see her
across the mirror
her golden eyes
staring back at me
she knows what must be done
it’s the end of an era
baggage from the past drags
in between her legs
heartbreak, manipulation,
betrayal, broken promises,
broken dreams, lost innocence,
anxiety, breakdowns, grief, sadness

i see her
across the mirror
my golden eyes
staring back at me
i know what must be done
it’s the end of an era
my body is itching for release
shedding itself free
i won’t claim the lost baggage
Pao Mar 2020
being locked inside isn’t doing me favors
my mind keeps spinning
memories creep up at me
i fall into a rabbit hole of nostalgia
i fall into something i wish i had more of
i took the abundance for granted
i don’t want to look at myself
i can’t deal with the guilt
all i have are my tears
Pao Mar 2020
i dreamed of you again
your smile that reaches the sky
your laughter that drowns my senses
the way you used to pull me close
we would walk together wherever we go
an adventure ready to be explored

i woke up with tears in my eyes
i know you don’t miss me
it’s been almost a year
since no text from you
not even a sincere hello

i don’t care for apologies anymore
i want to know if i mattered enough
for you to miss me
i want to know if i’m all you ever think about
lonely in your bed at night
i want to know if you still kept the poetry book
i gave you
i want to know if you still have the pictures we
took together as memories on your phone
i want to know if i was special to you
the way you were to me
i want to know if you considered me
your best friend

i want to reach out
but i know you’ll laugh at me
i don’t wish you anything
not the best, not the worst
all i want to know is if i mattered enough
for you to miss me
Pao Mar 2020
digital age kids
living in digital age dreams
we got the magic
to turn rot into dollar signs
we are living in our screens
we can’t go outside and smell
the polluted air
without a rectangle
in between our fingertips
the way you speak
words cannot escape your mouth
it’s at the tip of your tongue
it will never come out
you don’t know how to express yourself
you don’t even make eye contact
with your friend’s mom
a friend you only see four times in a year
depending on their mood that year
old and new people watch your every move
they don’t stop
and get to know you on a deeper level
superficial sentiments is all they know
this is what it is
to live in a digital age
living digital age dreams
dreams of wanting attention
and never be willing to follow through
an ode to all the kids that interacted more with their phones than real life
Pao Mar 2020
restore my faith
this quarantine ****
got people acting the same
funny how you think
people will change
people are puppets on a string
can’t decide whether to leave or stay home
my mind goes back to a year ago
when my heart broke down
when puppets left to another master
when the truth was setting me free
now i’m here
stranded in the sea
waiting for someone to see me
i only see myself
the nostalgic grief
pass me by every day and night
i want my memories erased
so i don’t have sit in this place
and think of the time wasted
time wasted
time wasted
time wasted
true, it wasn’t time wasted
i learned how people can turn on you
without regret
i learned how people can envy the life
you’ve built for yourself
without guilt
i learned what it is to be alone
having the mirror as your friend
i learned what it is to hate yourself
until you have no energy to hate
lessons were learned
yet, i’m going back
to the grief that drowned me
time is being wasted
i could be spending my time
living my life
no deep hole inside my chest
no escape from my head
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