it takes you to the frosted basin
it wraps you in the floating glass
it means to make you mindful
and you
must

make yourself louder

and rush the ice from your veins
and you
will
make yourself the peace
and you will breathe
from over the colder water.

Pain is the only healer I can befriend
Her unconventionality is my only sin
The bait and bleed
Then relief

I watch silently a memory
Waving at the man I used to be
My eyes drying
Those years trying, fighting crying
The only tears I still possess are held in handfuls at my chest
But no one knows
And so my isolation grows
Perhaps one day my face the sun might meet but all I see are shadows clawing at my feet
So I stop pretending that my wounds are mending
Just because I look away and blindly stagger through the days
I need to breathe
I need to leave
Before my agony consumes the hope of harmony
And stop watching who I used to be because he's no longer me

I ask myself why I'm talking like this,
But it's amazing I'm even
Walking like this.
I just feel so hollow.
Slurring when things get blurry;
I took a xan to help me withstand
The task at hand,
And now I can barely stand,
But here I am,
Looking at these old pictures of us
As I reminisce.
I wonder if I'll remember this tomorrow.
I didn't have a hand to help me up
And cope with all my sorrow,
So forgive me for the times
When I be slumped
Because of this prescription bottle.
I promise I'll do better tomorrow.
I just long to see your face
Again.
I don't sleep.
I only dream of a time when
This emptiness
Will end.
I miss my friend.
All I got is a few old strings 
On my guitar to try
And mend my heart,
But right now
It's locked up in the dark,
And I'm a ghost so I can't
Feel these strings bend.
Still I try to piece it
Back together again
With these words
I'm trying to send
Out to your golden soul
And anyone else
Who's listening in.
Sometimes I think about
Taking my life
Just to see what it's like
On the other side,
But I know
That ain't right.
I just long to be
By your side,
The place where I called home.
In a crowded room,
I still feel alone,
And I still hope
That it's you
Every time I hear the phone
Ring.
I wonder
Will my carol of groans
Ever reach your resting bones
When I sing?
Well I tell you I believe,
But I don't know how.
Yeah, the caged bird sings,
But he don't make a sound
Because their ain't anybody
Around to hear him now.
All the clouds look down
On me with a frown
Because they hear my voice
Carrying its sorrow abound.
Even the wolf and the hound
Have their heads tucked down
At the sight of these shoulders
Walking with this weight around.
I just wish you were still around.
No, the drugs don't work.
I know... They just make me worse,
But I need a spark for this heart
That left along with you
In your hearse.
No, the drugs don't hurt.
In fact, I'm pretty numb now.
Your memories paint the town
So I won't be coming down soon.
Night sky sanguine,
Ain't no one as faded as me.
I'm the highest in the room.
Roll another blunt
As I hit another bump,
Then I blow a cloud
As the line drains down;
Let the pain escape to the moon.
And I hate it, but I won't cry
Cause if I did,
It would be a monsoon.
Dearly departed friend,
I love you.
Please don't be saddened
By my bluesy tune.
It's just what I had to do,
To take the pain of losing you.
I know you're always with me
In my heart,
So I know we'll never truly part.
That's why I wrote a note
To help me cope
And keep some hope.
I know it's sad, but
It took everything I had
To refrain;
Not to hang or go insane
From all this pain.
I barely have any breath left,
But I don't want to drown.
Even though I know
This soul sits heavy like lead.
That's why my eyes stay red.
Only the memories in my head
Still play their **** instruments on time.
Pictures in my mind of you
Combine until I'm lost
In the last trace
Of the lines on your face,
And I forget that
I'm supposed to rhyme.
It hurt to write this verse
But I prayed for you first,
For whatever it's worth.
Yeah, I hit another line
As I wrote another line,
And I know...
The drugs won't ever work.
But at least when I'm high,
I can still feel your arms around me
Just one more time.

From bed to couch,
with shoulders sharing a distant brush,
you light a cigarette between sharp teeth,
your back bent so the cherry illuminates my naked knee.

That small fire spark,
of blooming blushing color,
grants me more warmth,
than you are willing to donate and let me discover.

It's smoke fumes the voiceless room,
the ashes drift delicately to embrace the floor,
I watch with eyes of green and wobbling lips,
until you complete the parting ritual.

Once you're gone I sit for a while,
mulling and chewing on my gagging thoughts,
endlessly seeking an answer for just...
one dreading question.

Why does smoke and ashes,
always linger longer around me,
than your presence?

It's like an ache.
Or a burning. All through my chest.
Teeth clenched. Muscles tight. Brain awake.
The thoughts are brimming, at the top of my mouth.
A metallic taste, the taste of blood.
Eyes narrow, brows furrowed, Nose crinkled.
This is the emotions we aren't allowed to show.

Alone in my room, music loud.
A beastly noise, my throat howled.
A scream creeping from my lungs.
The soft sound of the air slung,
From my lips sweet and soft.
A cackling growing from a cough,
deep within the darkest part of my soul.
It's just another part of being human,
of being whole.

Into a deep abyss I sink
Struggling to cope
Consuming alcohol, I need to drink
I dream to float

Well I got what I wanted
And you're talking
Just what I expected
I'm cut wide open
Emoting
With no emotion
That's right
That's how I'm coping