It is 10 pm and I’m shrinking again. the familiar shame that is causing me to concave, But I don’t want to die, just wanted to.
I am just tired of light feeling like cheating. I am tired of nutrients becoming a nuisance, Do you hear it snap and curl and twist inside you? or does your leaves get baptized with your healthy? can you grow without thinking about the darkness of your shadow? no? you mean you oxidize each exhale as if it was your own?
He said write about a seed
write about the trees
write about the happy that grows all around me
I think she was always sad
I know this from the way she shut herself in.
Called me her home.
Never acknowledge how we were a part of a bigger hole.
I think she was always different
I know this from the way she pruned her imperfections.
Called me her cage.
Never said what made her hide herself away.
I think she once loved her brother
I know this from the way once came inside.
Called him in.
Never described him with distaste.
I know she will one day be okay
I think this because I can't take away the thing I once caged.
Called her human.
Never will be able to take away her pain.
The room that held my broken promises said something today.
I would set my body aflame if it meant I would feel
warmth from you
I am in love with the way you avoid me
It reminds me of myself
I repeat it. I repeat it. I repeat it. I repeat it.
I mean repetition prevents shock.
I mean repetition prevents
So if I say I’m sad I’m sad I’m sad I’m sad I’m sad will I stop being surprised or ashamed
I mean repetition doesn’t prevent shock it creates boredom or expectancy in what you repeat
So if my voice repeats my cries, my sadness,
Will I stop being surprised... I meant can I find a way for my family
Can I find a way for my family
Can I hide away from my family
Can I find a way for my family to expect that my suffering will never end?
You say I caused the end too
But I never remember choosing someone over you
I want to kiss broken people
Even if our half’s are different
Just to feel whole